My Best Friend's Wedding
by merrywanderer
Summary: When tragedy strikes, Blair and Dan call a truce and rekindle their friendship. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't be a problem, but Dan has a bit of a situation and Blair's reappearance in his life complicates things exponentially. Blair's POV, 5 years post 5X24.
1. Chapter One: Reunion

**Hello all! I got a jolt of inspiration having read a most godawful spoiler about Season 6 today and this fic is the result. It's my first so reviews would be much appreciated. I'm planning for around 6 chapters. We'll see. This first part contains a prologue as well as chapter one. They're written in different styles so if you don't care for the first portion, keep reading to the end. **

**Prologue**

Blair Waldorf had not spoken to Dan Humphrey in over 4 years.

She had resigned herself to the fact that the two of them would never be friends again. They had made an attempt about a year after the Shepherd's divorce party, but it was fruitless, each of them having caused the other too much pain to reconcile. Truthfully, neither of them could stomach being in the same room with one another much less engage in any kind of mutual affection. They parted ways politely and headed off to face the world, finally having surrendered to the idea that there was not a place for either one of them in the other's life.

Blair had spent the years since her mother's departure from Waldorf Designs pouring herself into her company. She worked all the time, very rarely taking time off for herself and hardly ever dating. On the occasion that she found herself feeling lonely, she had several casual romantic partners to...tickle her fancy. She simply had to decide what faire she was in the mood for. Brawny and arrogant or handsome and mysterious? Would she prefer the sensitive one tonight or perhaps the funny one who made her laugh? No matter which man she chose, the encounter inevitably produced the same end result. After a brief cuddle and perhaps a cup of tea, she would send the suitor on his way, never considering letting him stay the night. The brooding artist had once invited her to spend the weekend with him at a bed and breakfast in Connecticut, not having understood the rules of their arrangement. She rewarded him with a cold shoulder and stopped returning his calls. Eventually he got the picture, but not before spreading rumors about her amongst their mutual acquaintances, nicknaming her the Ice Queen and calling her a bitch.

The names didn't bother her, partly because she knew there was some truth in them, but mostly because she felt nothing for the man (men) who insisted they were an accurate portrayal of her. Romantic attachments were a thing of her past. She had spent a great deal of her youth allowing the men in her life to define her and was decidedly against ever permitting herself to fall into that trap again. If the ChuckandBlair saga had taught her anything, it was that love simply was not enough to bring her happiness and ultimately harmed her chances of fulfillment. There had been a brief time when she thought perhaps she and Chuck had gotten it right, that they would be able to make it work. The thought was fleeting, however, because Chuck was not well equipped to share his things. As time went on, the less she invested in love and the more she invested in her career and it eventually became too much for him to accept. So, ChuckandBlair (BlairandChuck) abruptly came to an end one November afternoon when she arrived home to discover Chuck's secretary straddling him atop Blair's egyptian cotton sheets.

Blair's life had settled into a comfortable routine. Wake up, coffee, work, light lunch, meeting, coffee, drinks with potential designers, exercise, coffee, sleep. Repeat. She was about 1/3 of the way through her routine one day when she received the phone call from Cyrus telling her that Eleanor had been in a car accident. The circumstances were humdrum, really. A drunk driver had run a red light and plowed into the back of the car carrying Eleanor home after having run out to fetch some flowers for the foyer. Witness accounts confirmed that the black SUV had been traveling erratically at an alarming rate of speed and that they were lucky no one besides the middle aged woman in the other car had been injured. Blair didn't see it that way. She didn't feel that the incident had involved luck in any capacity.

It was under these circumstances that Blair Waldorf picked up her phone and dialed the number that been etched in her brain so many years ago. She waited for him to pick up and when she heard his voice she was surprised to feel a fluttering.

*silence*

"Blair?" Dan was fond of skipping formalities.

"Hi Dan." Blair managed to breathe out. "You were the only person I could think of to call. I-I need to talk to someone. A friend."

Dan sat quietly for a moment. "Alright."

Nothing in her life had prepared Blair for this turn of events. She was not outfitted with the proper skills to know what to do or how to feel or what to say. Never having much tact, she just blurted it out. "My mother's been killed in a car accident."

Dan agreed to meet Blair that evening at her new apartment on the Upper East Side. After having spent the remainder of the day with Cyrus and Dorota making arrangements, Blair arrived home weary and travel worn. She hadn't cried yet which made her wonder if there was more than just a little truth to the whole "Ice Queen" incident. It was odd really, how calm she was about the whole matter. Cyrus was a basket case. One might suppose that Blair felt it was her job to keep it together for everyone else. That's what Eleanor would have wanted, of course. Others might suppose that she was cruel and unfeeling, a reflection of her waspy upbringing. Honestly Blair couldn't care less what the spectators to her bad fortune thought. All she knew was that she had donned her stoic mask for the better part of a day and it was beginning to suffocate her.

She was preparing some tea when she heard the knock and damn it if her heart didn't flutter again. Taking a moment to steady her breathing, she approached the door and opened it. There he stood, all kindness and reservation.

"Humphrey." Blair whispered. He took one step in the door and enveloped her in his arms. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Of course I'm here." Dan gripped the back of her head and tenderly caressed her back. Blair responded with a sharp intake of breath and a sob. "_Oh. Here they are." _thought Blair. As the tears streamed down her cheeks the only thing she could get out was, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to have bothered you." To which Dan replied, "Shhh. There's nothing to be sorry about. Take all the time you need." She cried in his arms most of the night. Despite the fact that he really didn't want to leave her, he knew how inappropriate it would be if he stayed the night at Blair's apartment given his current...situation. He waited for her to fall asleep and when he was satisfied that she was out, he quietly slipped out the door, preparing his excuses during the drive home.

In the following days, former friends began to reconnect in the way that people tend to do when tragedy strikes. At the funeral, seated beside Blair with the family were Serena, Nate, and Dan. Chuck arrived 5 minutes late, preferring to sit in the back, and left 5 minutes early. The truth be told, there had been a lot of bad blood between this motley crew, but underneath it all was a bond forged out of shared history and, well, love.

They buried Eleanor in a family plot. Harold and Roman were pallbearers. Lily and Rufus hosted the family lunch after the somber affair was over and in spite of the fact that they had been reunited under horrific circumstances, Blair couldn't help but notice how familiar it all felt. How comfortable. It was a small bright spot amidst a dark day and it soothed her soul.

Blair moved back into her mother's penthouse two days after the funeral. Cyrus was not handling things very well so it was decided that Blair would take care of him for the time being. Aaron had long since relocated to Santa Fe making it impossible for him to stay for any great length of time, which suited Blair just fine. Loneliness was no longer novel to her and she secretly delighted in breakfasts and dinners with her much beloved stepfather.

Nate would stop by every so often to check on them under the guise of bringing them peaches or flowers or some other token. Serena didn't come by but she reached out via texts and emails to which Blair always promptly responded with a brief quip and a thank you. The two young women would never share the camaraderie they had once known but it seemed they might be able to mend a few of their old wounds. The fact that Serena's texts started to come more and more frequently hinted at the possibility that they could be friends again. Only time would tell of course.

Dan didn't visit. He didn't call. It was as if that night in her apartment had never happened. She began to wonder if perhaps grief had clouded her mind and the whole thing was just a figment of her imagination. That theory was squelched, however, when she ran into him, quite by accident at The Met, of all places. The encounter was brief and to the casual observer, mundane, but Blair and Dan were not casual observers in their own lives. Having acquired an astute understanding of one another during their youth, each of them recognized how telling this little brush actually was.

This is the story of how Dan and Blair grew back together.

**Chapter One: Reunion**

"Cyrus I'm going out for a bit. Can I get you anything?" Blair shouted from the foyer. She waited for his response but was rewarded with silence. Worried he might be having one of his dark days, she searched the penthouse for him, finally spotting him curled up in his bed with The New York Times scattered across his chest and the sheets. Not wanting to wake him, she tiptoed out of the room cursing the click of her heels.

Blair was desperately in need of some inspiration so instead of wallowing at home, she made her way to what was in her opinion the pinnacle of motivation and creativity. The Metropolitan Museum of Art had always been one of her favorite places in the city. When she arrived she headed straight to the Gelman Gallery to bask in the genius of Bonnard, Miro', and Matisse among countless others. Since her mother's death, Blair had been carrying around a dull aching pain that would take hold of her heart and squeeze at the most inopportune times. Inside the museum she found that her companion, as she called it, tended to retreat. She could breathe easier when she let her mind wander into the myriad collections of paintings, drawings, sculptures, and other masterworks. She sat down in front of her favorite piece (in this collection mind you) and let it hijack her brain for a few minutes.

"I never took you for a Chagall fan." Blair was startled out of her trance by a familiar deep voice. She whipped around to find Dan Humphrey standing beside her gazing at the same painting. "You know, goats and bearded fiddlers aren't really your style."

Blair gave a him the slightest of smirks. "My tastes are quite broad, thank you very much. Anyhow, they say that our tastebuds change every seven years. Did you know that? Why can't the same be true of other things? I happen to admire this painting a great deal. And furthermore, I see no goats, do you?"

"No. No goats. What's it called again?" Dan squinted at the description.

"What's the matter with you? You can't read that?" Blair looked at him incredulously.

Dan chuckled. "My vision seems to be waning in my old age."

"Geez Humphrey, get some glasses. And please refrain from calling yourself old. You are inadvertently insulting me, you do realize this." Blair huffed at him. "And it's called The Lovers."

Dan nodded his head and repeated her, "The Lovers. It's...loverly." Dan glanced over at her with a grin knowing she would appreciate his witticism.

Blair groaned. "That has got to be the worst excuse for a joke I have ever heard come out of your mouth. You are no longer allowed to reference Audrey films in your future comedic exploits. Especially My Fair Lady." She shot him a glare and glanced back at the painting. "And yes, it's quite loverly." She sniggered.

Dan's eyes widened at her and suddenly the both of them were in the throws of raucous and uncontrollable laughter. It felt so good to let go. It felt so good to laugh, unrestrained and with abandon. Their laughter was giddy and wild, bordering on the ridiculous, but the moment was far from trite. In the midst of her giggles, Blair sensed a catharsis of sorts. Not a life changing, soul freeing moment, but a significant shift nonetheless. Dan eventually had to quiet her down as they were on the receiving end of several disapproving stares. He leaned in to her ear, gingerly placing his hand on her shoulder and muttered, "Shut up Waldorf. You're gonna get us kicked out."

Blair lurched at the contact.

Dan hastily stood up straight, pulled his hand away and put it in his pocket. Clearing his throat, Dan broke the silence that followed. "Uh, sorry about that. I was just trying to get your attention." And then a leer at her, "I was concerned you might get us banned from the museum for life. I had only your best interests at heart."

Blair softened. "Of the two of us, I believe you would have been the one at fault Dan." Blair looked up at him through her eyelashes and raised a brow.

Dan seemed to melt under her gaze. Some things would never change she supposed. Secretly thrilling at his reaction, Blair decided to make an attempt at an actual conversation. "Joking aside, how have you been?"

Dan smiled. "I've been good. Great actually. I don't know if you've heard, but I just published my fourth novel. It was pretty well received if I do say so myself."

"I've heard." Blair considered him for a moment, then decided to confess. "I've read all of your books. They're in my permanent collection."

Dan froze. He obviously wasn't expecting to hear those words today or ever, really, from Blair. Their eyes met. Dan cautiously sat down on the gallery bench beside her. "I'm sorry I haven't called."

With a wave of her hand, "It's no matter. If you had called, you would have been bored to tears. I haven't been in any state for good conversation lately."

"Blair." Dan placed his hand over hers. "There's a lot I'd like to say to you."

Blair's heart started thumping. LOUDLY. She wasn't ready for this. "Dan, this is the first time we've actually had a conversation in over four years. I think-no, I mean, I hope that there will be plenty of time to say all the things that need to be said." Blair placed her available hand on top of the pile between them. "I'm not sure it has to be today though. Can we just sit here for a little while?"

Dan and Blair's eyes connected for a second time. Warm, brown, and oh so inviting, Dan's eyes said so many things about regret, hurt, and hope that Blair had to avert her gaze. It was too much. He was too intense. Why was this happening? Hadn't they decided years ago that there was nothing between them, not even friendship? Yet his eyes were telling a different story, one that she dared not imagine for fear that it might actually find itself grounded in reality. She was about to tell him as much when she was interrupted by a voice.

"There you are." A young woman appeared at Dan's side. "I've been looking all over for you. Who's your friend?"

Dan looked up at her and almost imperceptibly shook his head, but Blair saw it. It was as if he were shaking off some daydream. He smiled up at the woman.

"Hey you. Sorry I kept you waiting. This is Blair Waldorf. She and I knew each other in high school." Dan explained.

The woman reached her hand out to shake Blair's and said, "I'm Elizabeth, Dan's fiancé. It's nice to meet you."

_TBC_


	2. Chapter Two: Risk

**Chapter Two: Risk**

"Oh good god, Dorota. What am I going to do?" Blair shouted, palms to her face.

"Miss Blair? No clue." Dorota hurried out of the bedroom before she became the punching bag for Blair's latest tantrum.

"Well, thanks for all of your help Dorota! No really, you've been a real LIFESAVER!" The bark followed Dorota down the stairs and all the way into the kitchen. Blair was in full she-devil mode.

"Miss Blair, you don't have to go. Just call Mr. Dan and make up excuse. It's not like you've never done it before!" Dorota called out as she began to gather the ingredients to make dinner for Cyrus.

Having followed her into the kitchen, Blair shot Dorota one of her withering glares, "Of course that's your solution. Amateur." Blair huffed all the way back up to her room and slammed the door.

"So melodramatic." Sigh. "Amateur? Pfft-give me a break. When you stop acting like teenager, I might try to come up with better solution, but until then..." Dorota's muttering was only audible to herself as she continued with dinner, but it satisfied her need to chide nonetheless.

Back in her room Blair was lying prostrate in the middle of her bed, pillow over her head. What was she going to do? As per usual her big mouth had gotten her into a bit of a pickle and this pickle was evolving at an alarming rate. Under normal circumstances she would simply have taken Dorota's advice and come up with an excuse as to why she was unable to keep her engagement, but these circumstances were anything but normal. It had only been hours since her run-in with Dan at the museum, the ink on their unspoken but entirely valid accord still wet. Blair flipped over and stared up at the ceiling contemplating her options. If she went through with this, it would certainly say a lot to Dan about her willingness to let bygones be bygones, but it would also make for an extremely uncomfortable, nay, excruciating evening. Alternatively, if she backed out then she could spend the evening in her pajamas with a pint of gelato and her Netflix queue, leaving Dan to wonder if perhaps she didn't actually have any sincere interest in mending fences.

Sitting up, Blair had to ask herself, _Do I genuinely have an interest in repairing our relationship? _ Though the events that had led to the demise of Dan and Blair had been instigated by Blair herself, Dan had proven himself to be a formidable opponent on more than one occasion. His followup to Inside had eviscerated both her and Chuck, exposing and condemning every last flaw and indiscretion, the repercussions of which she was dealing with to this day. The stock in Bass Industries had taken a significant hit and Waldorf Designs had lost a deal with a major high end department store all because of Humphrey's little "diary", as Chuck liked to refer to it at the time. Though her lines had since been picked up by several other smaller retailers and they were doing well, the department store was a considerable loss and it was essentially Dan Humphrey's fault.

The novel, however, was not the deepest cut he administered.

"Ugh. Not going down that road right now." Dan's greatest sin had been the absolute undoing of their association with one another. It was the reason she had not bothered to break up with him in person and it was also the reason she hadn't been able to exonerate him a year later when he had come to her seeking respite. At the time, Blair considered what he had done to be a fundamental betrayal and she was convinced they would never be able to patch things between them. Therefore, the fact that his was the only face she had wanted to see upon hearing of her mother's death was bewildering. Even more astounding, she hadn't been able to get him out of her thoughts since that tragic night. Running into him him today had been both a blessing and a curse. The ease with which they spoke to each other was refreshing, delightful even. However, lingering underneath the jesting and gibes, a deep rooted hurt was trying to decipher if perhaps time had restored what had been damaged.

Blair looked around and spotted the outfits she had pulled for tonight. Her eyes fell upon a green silk and lace Diane von Furstenburg, a recent purchase with a plunging neckline and a slit that at just the right angle left very little to the imagination. It was notably more revealing than a majority of her cocktail dresses as she had been feeling daring at the time of purchase. She hopped off of the bed, grabbed the dress, changed into it and looked in the full length mirror.

She looked hot.

Having made up her mind, Blair touched up her makeup, ran a brush through her hair, and donned her sexiest peep toes. After one final glance in the mirror she yelled her goodbyes to Dorota and Cyrus, called a car service and took the elevator to the lobby. On the way, she replayed the conversation from earlier in the day over in her head.

_"I'm Elizabeth, Dan's fiancé. It's nice to meet you." _

_Blair just stared at the young woman for a second, mouth agape. Dan cleared his throat. She recovered with, "Elizabeth, it's so nice to meet you as well. What a lovely girl you are." _

_Dan scoffed at Blair's use of the word 'girl', but girl was accurate as far as she could tell. Elizabeth couldn't have been more than 19 which meant Blair probably had a good seven years on her._

_"SO. What brings you two lovebirds here this afternoon?" Blair wondered aloud._

_"We're spending the day checking out possible wedding venues. Dan insisted we come here, god knows why." Elizabeth admonished._

_Mouth agape once again, Blair remarked, "The Met boasts some of the most glorious venues in the city, not to mention the fact that you'd be surrounded by one of the most impressive art collections in the world. You'd be damn lucky if you booked anything here." _

_Strike 1._

_Elizabeth was oblivious to Blair's displeasure. "Oh no, I mean, I know it's pretty. I just never imagined myself getting married in a museum. Everything in here is so...old." _

_Well. Strike 2._

_Dan had always been able to read her and he was starting to sense that "Constance Blair" was gearing up to make an appearance, so he interjected, "Uh, I think what Elizabeth means is that she has a more traditional setting in mind. A church perhaps, or a botanical garden."_

_"Dan Humphrey in church?" Blair sneered. "Didn't think I'd live to see that day!" _

_Dan looked at Blair quizzically, eyebrows knitted together. Blair returned his look and said, "What?" A memory splashed across her consciousness. She and Dan were standing inside the looming iron gate of an old cathedral, hands clasped together, a promise echoing off the stone exterior of the sanctuary. Understanding dawned across her features as he gave her the slightest of smiles. _

_"Well, there are also any number of beautiful churches to choose from in the city. I've been in a few of them myself." Blair's eyes never left Dan's. "So how did the two of you meet?"_

_Dan jumped in, "Uh, well, we almost didn't, actually. I was supposed to meet my publicist for dinner one night; it was Valentine's Day, and neither of us had dates so she scheduled a meeting. Anyway, she canceled at the last minute but I never got her message. I went to the restaurant and waited for about 45 minutes before I finally got up to leave. As I was heading out, this adorable brunette waitress almost knocked me over as she raced in the door. I looked up at her and before I could get a word out she started apologizing and offering to pay for my meal. I swear I think she was on the verge of tears."_

_"I was not." Elizabeth playfully swatted Dan's arm. Blair cringed, ever so slightly._

_"Long story short, I was smitten from the get go. And now we're...getting married." Dan finished._

_Did he pause before he said 'getting married'? And had they really only met two months, no, eight weeks ago? This was getting more and more unbelievable._

_"We met on Valentine's Day! Isn't that romantic? I know it sounds cheesy but I just love that part of our story." Elizabeth gushed. _

_Yeah, it's just peachy. _

_Blair was feeling frisky. "It's a perfectly lovely story. I can attest to the fact that Valentine's Day makes for an exceptionally romantic setting to embark on a new romance." Blair wasn't one to be outdone and she definitely wasn't going for subtlety. _

_Dan's cheeks colored almost as soon as the words hit his ears. Blair, for her part, was smiling sweetly at precious Elizabeth. "Now tell me about yourself, Elizabeth. You're a waitress?" Blair's voice was saccharine._

_"Technically, yes, but I'm really an actress. I just moved here from Texas and I've been on several auditions, but I haven't been able to book anything yet, which is really frustrating. I know it's going to take a while for me to find my footing, but I've got time. I just love it here, though I haven't really been able to make many friends yet and I never get out. I work ALL the time." Elizabeth spoke a mile a minute._

_Oh this was rich. _

_"Well that's too bad because New York has some really fine restaurants. I'm a bit of a foodie so I tend to be extremely choosy when it comes to fine dining." Then, before Blair realized what was happening, the words were out of her mouth. "I can take you out sometime if you'd like."_

_And cue the flustered trio. _

_Dan shot a warning look at Blair, who was inwardly flogging herself. Elizabeth, however, seemed thrilled, if not a little taken aback. "I just knew there were nice people in New York City." _

_UGH. We'll call that one Strike 2 1/2. Feeling embarrassed and smothered, Blair knew she had to get out of there as quickly as possible so she stood up, smoothed her skirt, and grabbed her bag. _

_"Well, Dan has my number so I guess just give me a call?" With a wave, she tossed her chestnut locks over her shoulder and took a step toward the exit. But Elizabeth was quicker than Blair gave her credit for. _

_"How about tonight? I'm just desperate for girlfriends right now and I have the night off. Oh please say you're not busy!" The poor girl was practically begging._

_Blair recoiled. This wasn't just going to go away. Plastering a smile across her face, Blair whipped around. "Alright. How does 7:00 sound? I'll pick you up at Dan's." Then, with a glance in his direction, "It was a pleasant surprise to run in to you today Dan. Good luck with your venue search." And with feline-like grace, Blair Waldorf flounced out of the gallery so fast that she made several heads spin right there on the spot._

Blair checked her watch. 6:25pm. When she had gotten in the car, she felt the tiniest of butterflies hopping around in her midsection. By the time she reached Dan's loft, her stomach was a full fledged three ring circus, elephants, trapeze artists, and all. Why was she so nervous? With her sharp wit and fierce tongue she could eat this girl for lunch if she wanted to. It had to be something else.

As she approached Humphrey's door, she figured out what that something else was. This place, this home, held a multitude of memories for her and Dan. She revered it, considered it sacred, and she hadn't been here since the night they had decided that they couldn't absolve one another and parted ways. Oh god. She couldn't go through with this. On top of the fact that she wasn't overly fond of the little belle, Blair had the nagging suspicion that something was awakening in her that would prevent her from having any kind of relationship with this girl. _No, not now. Not after all this time. _She pushed the unwelcome musings away and knocked, which felt strange considering she used to just barge in without invitation.

The door opened and Blair had to catch her breath when she took him in. Humphrey was a fox. She had always appreciated his handsome exterior but tonight for some reason she more than marveled at his chiseled jaw and piercing eyes. _This is not happening. You are not doing this Blair Waldorf. This is not a part of your plan. _Her eyes raked over him again finally settling on his hair. His stupid, adorable curly hair.

_Shit. _

*Sigh*

_Who am I kidding? I've known it all along._

Without warning, Blair recalled a moment much like this one in which she had been wearing black lingerie underneath a trench coat and Dan's eyes had practically popped out of their sockets. She flushed at the remembrance, sure that Dan could read her mind.

_Well, if this is happening, I'm not going down without a fight. _

_"_Is she ready?" Blair yelped a bit too enthusiastically.

And then something happened that gave Blair the motivation she needed to send little Miss Texas packing. Dan's eyes devoured Blair from top to bottom. His brown orbs traveled deliberately down her entire frame, then back up at a leisurely pace. He followed his visual assault with a lick of his lips and a nervous chuckle.

"Hey Blair. You look...good." Dan averted his gaze and stepped aside to let her into his home.

Blair said a silent prayer of thanks for Diane von Furstenberg and swished past Dan flipping her hair in his direction, sure that he would get a whiff of her familiar Chanel scent. Upon locating the fiancé, she called out to her with a smile, "Well, we haven't got all night dear. Grab your bag and let's go." For the second time in less than five hours Blair pranced out the door leaving a stunned Dan Humphrey in her wake. Elizabeth ran to catch up with her as Blair opened the car door.

Gesturing for the young woman to get in first Blair declared, "After you." Then scooting in right next to her, "Now. What are you in the mood for?"

They ended up at a relatively new asian fusion restaurant (Blair had read a glowing review) where Elizabeth proceeded to order like a pro and stuff herself silly. Blair was moderately impressed by the girl's display but didn't allow it to deter her from her objective. Three hours and 6 martinis later, Blair felt she had "bonded" enough with her to broach the subject she had been wanting to discuss all evening.

"So Elizabeth, what has Dan told you about me?" Again, not one for subtleties, Blair was shooting from the hip.

The term lightweight would not begin to adequately describe Miss Texas. She slurred, "Ummm, hmm...he said you are the same age, uh...that you attended high school together, and, um,...OH! He said that you run your own company. Clothes, or something? Yes, clothes. You make clothes. I think. Oh, and he might have mentioned that you used to be kind of a bitch." Then she burst into a fit of giggles and laid her head on her arm knocking over her drink and spilling it all over Blair's dress.

"Hey! Watch ou-nevermind. It's my fault. I brought the child to the grownup table." Blair snapped.

Elizabeth lifted her head, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Your dress! Oh, did I ruin it? It's so beautiful and I just ruined it. Humph." Head on her arm again, "Dan won't like that at all. Not one bit. He REALLY liked the way it looked on you and now you can't ever wear it again. Too bad."

Blair balked at the little lush. "What? What are you talking about?"

Elizabeth muttered into her arm, "Nothing. I just noticed the way he, um, saw, no...looked at you tonight. And this afternoon. He likes looking at you." She sighed, "A lot. It's okay though. Because he loves me. He's going to marry me."

_Er...what is this?_

Playing her cards close to her chest, Blair very hesitantly patted Elizabeth's head. "That's right honey. He's going to marry you. Why don't we get you back to Dan's? I think you've had enough." Blair flagged their waiter, paid the bill leaving a hefty tip, and hoisted the young woman up and out of the restaurant, paying no mind to the prying eyes of the other patrons. Elizabeth slept in the cab on the way back to Dan's, rousing enough for Blair to get her up the stairs and into bed, but the girl was passed out cold as soon as her head hit the pillow. Dan closed the door softly behind him as Blair waited on a barstool.

Slowly Dan turned to face her. "Okay, I'm going to start by saying thanks for getting her home. You didn't have to and I am grateful for that." Blair could sense a 'but' coming.

"But did you have to get her pissed? I mean, seriously Blair, how much did she have to drink? How did she even order? She's not even-" Dan halted his accusation.

Blair took the open window. "As far as I'm concerned, if a person is old enough to get married, then they are old enough to make their own decisions which include when to drink and when to stop drinking. Besides, I'm not her mother. She wanted to go out. I took her out. And what were you about to say? She's not even what? Of legal drinking age? Yeah, I noticed."

Dan pursed his lips together. "Alright. Let's have it. Say what you need to say. I've known this was coming, by the way."

Blair raised her eyebrows innocently and said, "What? You mean her age? What's wrong with it? I mean, if I had spent a day playing in the sandbox with my friends, I would probably need to let off a little steam too, you know. Also, what with the added pressure of her Kindergarten Graduation coming up, I'm surprised the poor thing stopped when she did. If it had been me in her shoes, I would have closed the place down."

"Are you done?" Dan was not amused.

"Hmm, now come to think of it, no. No, I am not done." Blair was starting to raise her voice. "I have several opinions on the matter that you would be wise to hear and to heed."

"Geez Blair, can you keep it down?" Dan stormed toward the front door and motioned for Blair to follow. She could feel her temper starting to fray. Dan's self righteous tendency was rearing its ugly head and Blair was not going to allow him to have the upper hand. As soon as the door was closed behind her, she dug in.

"First of all, I find it highly suspicious that you met this girl two months ago and are already engaged to be married. Secondly, she is far too young for you and you know it." Blair was just getting warmed up. "You have absolutely nothing in common. She mocked The Met today, Dan. The MET! Her favorite movie is Never Been Kissed, I doubt she's ever even set foot in a library, and she doesn't even know who Aldous Huxley IS!" Blair was definitely shouting at this point. She felt herself losing control but made no attempt to calm herself down. Five years worth of repressed feelings, good and bad, were bubbling to the surface, begging to be unleashed.

Dan let out an exasperated sigh. "You don't even know her, Blair. She's a really wonderful person, not that I have to defend her to you, of all people."

Blair sent Dan a glare that could have melted steel. "WHAT does that mean?"

Dan geared up and lit in to her. "We are not friends Blair! I don't owe you any kind of explanation. So we had a moment today at the museum. So what? It doesn't erase what happened between us. It doesn't negate the fact that you basically destroyed me!"

Blair had to stop herself from putting her hands around Dan's neck and squeezing. She screamed, "And you're so innocent? What about that book? That scathing, reprehensible piece of garbage you were so fond of rubbing in my face? You think what I did was worse? Well then, let's get to the root of the problem here. Let's talk about your other transgression." Briefly, Blair granted herself a moment to examine how things had escalated so swiftly. It was not going very well at all and she was beginning to wonder if perhaps she should have just kept her mouth closed. Blair hesitated, not sure she actually wanted to delve this far in.

Dan's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

And that was enough for Blair. "Serena. You and Serena. I was still your girlfriend and you-" It was still painful even now saying it out loud. Blair could feel her throat constricting and her eyes starting to burn. _No, no, no. You will not do this now._

"You don't even have a leg to stand on here Blair. Are you really going to try and convince me that I cheated on you?" Blair watched in horror as Dan's eyes started to water; she had never seen him cry. "I did everything for you Blair, EVERYTHING. I stood by you through every hardship, every struggle. I kept your secrets, I protected you. I was willing to give up Rome for you! And you just threw it away. For what? For a-a cheap recycled lay that lasted less than six months. I mean, if you were really that hard up you could have-"

Dan didn't get to finish his sentence because Blair's hand connected to his face with such force that it literally took his breath away. He reeled back from the slap knocking his head against the solid brick wall behind him. With a groan, Dan's head fell forward and he sank to his knees. Without thought to the consequence of her actions, Blair rushed to him and fell to her knees grabbing his face with both of her hands.

"Dan? Dan are you okay? I'm so sorry, I'm so very sorry! Look at me Dan, please be okay. Look at me!" Blair pleaded with the man whom she had technically assaulted five seconds prior.

Dan lifted his head at an excruciatingly drowsy pace and resolutely met her eyes for the third time that day. They sat there staring at one another for what felt like an eternity. Cautiously, carefully, Dan leaned in toward Blair's face. She could sense that something inside of him was at war with another something inside of him. He inched closer, breathing in her scent.

Dan's voice was hushed when he spoke. "I thought I recognized that perfume earlier." Closer. Their noses were practically touching. Blair's heart was thundering within her and she thought she might actually lose her mind if something didn't happen immediately. She was about to close the distance between them when he spoke again.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you. I deserved that slap. I can't believe I let my temper get the best of me." His shoulders slumped. "I'm just so very confused. We had a moment today, a very significant moment. We did, I know it, and I haven't been able to think about anything else since."

As Blair listened to his confession, she pondered all the things that made Dan Humphrey who he was. Anyone could see that he was kind, and good. He was intelligent and quick witted. People who knew him understood that he was also awkward and always laughing at himself. Those who counted him as their close friend considered him to be one of the most compassionate people they'd ever known. Those lucky enough to have been loved by him overlooked his judgmental nature because they grasped the fact that he held himself to a high standard and wanted everyone else to do the same. He wanted the best for them. Blair was one of the few who had called him lover so she was well aware of the fact that Dan loved people with every bit of himself. He gifted his heart to them and rarely asked for anything in return. He was loyal to a fault and that loyalty, more often that not, ended up grieving him because people are people and they do selfish things, even at the expense of the ones they love. She thought about all these things, and in a split second, she made a decision.

Tentatively leaning forward, Blair brushed her lips against Dan's and it felt so good.

_TBC_


	3. Chapter Three: Renewal

**Chapter Three: Renewal**

"What are you doing?"

Blair stopped cold. These were quite possibly the very last words she wanted to hear from him.

"Oh Blair. This is not-this is not going to happen. I'm engaged." Dan placed his hands on Blair's shoulders and gently but firmly pushed her away from him. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea." Dropping his hands, he put some distance between the two of them.

Humiliation. Utter and complete humiliation. There was no other word in the English language that could possibly begin to describe what she was feeling. Her immediate response was to jump to the defensive.

"What was all this then?" She gestured back and forth between them, trying to make sense of it all. "You talked about my perfume. You said you were confused. You_ leaned_."

"I am confused. I'm confused about how I feel about you. I had written you off permanently. Then you reappeared and I couldn't get you out of my head, but that doesn't mean that I want to kiss you Blair. It means that I miss my friend." Dan looked at Blair imploringly. "My best friend."

"Oh." Her face and neck were scarlet. "Well. I am completely mortified, so I will be leaving now." She stood with as much dignity as she could muster, snatched her bag, and walked out. Dan didn't call her name or try to stop her from going. He simply observed, slightly slack jawed as she walked away from him for the umpteenth time.

The next morning, Blair awoke to the enticing aroma of Dorota's dutch babies wafting under her door. As she breathed in the sweet goodness, there was a brief moment where she felt content and at peace with the world. Then the memory of last night abruptly returned and she groaned into her pillow. It had been a long time since she had felt such disgrace, such shame. Blair was used to being the dictator of her own life. On the rare occasion that she allowed other people to make decisions for her it was only for trivial things. She'd ask her assistant to get her a cappuccino, always whole milk (better foam), but to surprise her with a flavor perhaps. She might let the sommelier make a recommendation as to which wine to pair with her meal, though she usually had a larger grasp of the cellar than did the waiter. These were decisions that had no bearing on how she and the world perceived her; they were trite little matters that mattered not. Last night she had broken her own rule in regards to Dan and his "confusion". She had placed her trust in him and allowed herself to become vulnerable with him; the decision had been hers but how to respond to her decision was all on him. And he had rejected her.

The creaking of her door alerted her to the fact that she was not alone. Raising her head just a smidgeon, she whined, "Who is it?"

"It's me sweetheart." Cyrus' bald head poked through her door. She was filled with a sudden rush of affection for the small man who had been her mother's husband and partner. Truthfully, Cyrus and Blair had been each other's saving grace the past few weeks. Most of her days had been filled with meetings and appointments but during the evenings, those wretched evenings, her schedule had been free and clear leaving her ample time to immerse herself in grief. On those nights when her aching companion clutched at her lungs and her heart with an iron grip, Blair knew she could find Cyrus and with a look he would know, _he would just know_, and he would wrap his arms around her. Since Eleanor's death, Cyrus had been having horrific nightmares involving speeding cars and drunk drivers, forcing him to visualize and live through all the steps leading up to her car accident. The first night it happened, Blair heard an awful whimpering echoing throughout the house and assuming she had left the television on, she had gone downstairs to turn it off. When the sound persisted, a shiver made its way from the crown of her head to the tip of her toes. The sound was almost otherworldly, as if she were being haunted by a lost soul or the ghost of some long deceased wandering entity. Such was the despair emitting from poor Cyrus as he fitfully slumbered. Being a person of sound mind and logical thinking, Blair's paranormal apparition theory was abandoned almost immediately and she sought out the source. Her heart broke at the pitiable sight. Obviously unconscious, Cyrus' tear streaked face was suspended in a painful grimace, his hands clutching the sheets under his chin. Blair had to still his writhing feet with her own hands. Not wanting to take liberties, Blair hesitantly shook his foot and called his name, hoping not to startle him. Upon waking, he locked eyes with Blair. There were no words exchanged, just a current of compassion, understanding, and pain carried on the space between them. They had passed several nights in the same manner, each time causing Blair to wonder if the pair of them would ever return to normal, secretly wishing that things would never be normal again for if that were to happen it would mean they were moving on with their lives. Without Eleanor.

Cyrus smiled warmly at his drowsy stepdaughter. "Breakfast is ready. Are you awake enough to come join us?"

"I wouldn't miss it." Blair threw her covers back, grabbed her robe, and followed the intoxicating smell straight to the dining room. Dorota was busying herself making the final adjustments to the table settings and motioned for Blair to have a seat beside Cyrus.

"I make your favorite this morning." With a wink, Dorota placed a napkin on Blair's lap and poured her a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

Blair smiled at her friend and confidante. "Thank you Dorota. You know me so we-" Déjà vu. Blair had to stop because her companion decided to pay a visit this morning, though it was noticeably less piercing than it had been in recent weeks.

"What's the matter Blair?" Cyrus was irritatingly observant.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." Interestingly enough, the jab had had nothing to do with her mother and had had everything to do with a certain angsty young writer.

Cyrus wasn't buying it, and neither was Dorota for that matter, but they respected Blair's need for privacy and left it alone. For now.

Breakfast was uneventful, mundane even, and was beginning to wind down when the ding of the elevator signaled the arrival of a visitor. Assuming it was her assistant, who had penciled in a last minute meeting for her this morning, Blair called out, "I'll be right there Genevieve, I'm almost ready!" Having forgotten about the meeting until just now, Blair jumped up from the table and ran to the stairwell. She almost missed it because she was running so fast, but out of the corner of her eye she swore she saw the familiar profile of a man standing outside the elevator doors. She did a double take and unfortunately misjudged the distance between her body and the railing of the stairwell, and slid straight into the corner causing her to grunt in pain.

"Blair! Are you okay?" Dan rushed to her side, taking her hand in his and helping her to straighten up enough to take a deep breath.

Blair yanked her hand out of his. "I'm fine, I'm fine. No need to compound my embarrassment by gawking at me." She looked up at him. "What are you doing here?"

It was only then that she noticed the two coffees he held, one in each hand. "I come bearing gifts." Dan sheepishly chortled as he held the steaming beverages out to her. She didn't immediately take them. Blair felt ruffled and she looked disheveled. The last thing she wanted was to add to her state of unrest by having to deal with this. With Dan. Still he pressed on.

"I got a whole milk cappuccino, no sugar, and a vanilla latte, lots of sugar. I figured you'd go for at least one of them and I happen to like both of them so..." Dan could be so damn charming without meaning to be.

"I'll take the cappuccino. Thank you." She took the drink from him and lifted it to her lips.

"I suppose you're wondering why I"m here." Dan was a master of stating the obvious.

Blair squinted in his direction. "The thought had crossed my mind, yes."

Dan looked around and spotted Cyrus reading the paper at the table and Dorota clearing dishes. Both he and Blair were no fools and were keenly aware of the fact that they had an attentive audience of two. "Can we go somewhere we can talk?"

Blair nodded, "Sure. Just let me get changed." Blair called Genevieve and rescheduled her meeting before heading out with Dan.

They opted to go for a walk close to her building. Coffees in hand walking side by side, the scene was so familiar, it made Blair nostalgic for the days before she and Dan had become lovers. Things had been easy between them then, their conversation effortless and light, their affection built on a foundation that was equal parts shared interest and admiration. It was only when their relationship had become amorous, when the stakes had been raised, that their easy interactions were replaced with more impassioned, fervent exchanges. Their romance, albeit short-lived, had been more than worth it to Blair, of course, and she wouldn't erase their days together for anything, but the heartache that had followed had been long and lasting. Would that they could get that relaxed, unaffected vibe back.

Dan spoke first, "I'm sorry about how things went down between us last night." He ran a hand through his hair. "I was...wary and upset about Eizabeth. I never should have blamed you."

"It's alright. It's understandable actually. I mean, I didn't exactly return her to you in the same state that she was given to me in." Blair sipped her coffee with a smile. "How is she?"

Dan chuckled. "Heh, she's okay, though I'm pretty sure she'll think twice before drinking that much again any time soon."

Blair conceded, "I probably could have done a better job of keeping her in check, given her age and inexperience."

Dan stopped and filled his lungs with the crisp morning air. "About that-I know you think she's too young, I mean you said as much last night. It's just, I don't know, she's not, not really. She doesn't seem too young when we're together. She's smart and funny and passionate about life. And her career. And...grape soda! God, you should hear her go on about the merits of Welch's versus Grape Crush!" Dan burst out laughing. "She's light. She makes me feel light. And it feels nice, you know?"

Blair listened intently, her hopes falling. "Yes, I do know." She walked further on keeping her face hidden from him, then spoke again, "So...how old is she?"

Dan laughed. "She's 20. She'll be 21 in a few weeks."

"I'm sure she's super duper excited about that." Blair teased.

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?" Dan flashed a brilliant smile and Blair's heart lurched.

"Nope. Not a chance, Humphrey." She smirked. "But you wouldn't want it any other way."

"Ha! True." Then he grabbed her hand stopping her in her tracks and looked her right in the eye. "I want this, us, to work Blair. I miss us. I'm ready. I think I needed last night more than you know. I needed to say things and you needed to say things and we needed to yell and shout and scream things. I mean, we can't ignore the last five years, but we can move beyond them. I didn't believe it until recently, but I really do believe it now. I want it now. I'm getting married Blair and you have to be a part of it all. You just have to."

Blair whispered, "I'd like that." Though her pride took a blow and her heart was breaking, she knew that his words were unaffected and sincere. Regardless of her own feelings toward him, she wanted him to be happy...and he seemed happy. It was written all over his features and Elizabeth, apparently, was the reason.

Clearing her throat, Blair tried to play it as cool as she could, but her hands still shook when she brought her arms up and around his waist for a hug.

_Okay. _

_This is what it is. What do you want from me?_

"What do you want from me?" Blair still held tight to her Humphrey.

Dan, returning the embrace implored, "I want you to get to know her, and before you tell me how you already tried last night remember one thing. I know you."

And so it was that Blair Waldorf and Dan Humphrey, after hating each other, then tolerating each other, then loving each other, then hating each other again, began to treasure each other for the second time in their lives.

A few days later, feeling inspired by her realliance with Dan, Blair picked up the phone and did the unthinkable; she called Serena. She called Serena for the sole purpose of talking with the blond bombshell who had been her closest confidante and her greatest adversary and on top of it all, she had no ulterior motive whatsoever. Serena being the sunnier of the pair had high hopes that they would work through their issues and reconnect. Blair, being the more cynical one, was cautious and alert around Serena at the table they shared over lunch one afternoon. She scrutinized every minor flick of her salad fork and crossing of her legs. She observed a nervous tick Serena had developed in which she placed the knuckle of her pointer finger to her lips and tapped incessantly. She did this quite a bit during the meal. She sensed the moment that Serena caught on to her and began to return the favor.

"Blair, what is going on here? You asked me to lunch, which I was thrilled about, by the way, and when I get here you hardly say two words to me. You look like you're studying me for a behavioral analysis project or something." Serena wasn't as dim as she projected.

_Sigh. _"You're right. I'm not being fair and I'm sorry. It's just that this is a little harder than I thought it would be." Blair admitted.

"Look Blair, I get it. You don't know if you're ready to trust me again. But I wish you would. I really wish you would." Serena was speaking from an honest place and it was evident. "Do you miss me B?"

The straightforwardness of her inquiry caught Blair a little off guard. What was her angle? Why not play more to her sentimental nature, recalling childhood memories long since forgotten. Why would she be so direct? This was more her own style and Serena had never been anything like Blair.

"Do you miss me, S?" Blair countered.

"More than anyone else, yes. I miss you. You were, no, you are my other half. I'm not whole without you." Serena divulged.

Of course she was going this route. Serena had always been prone to the dramatic but this was ridiculous. The next thing you know, she would be telling Blair 'you had me at hello' and 'you complete me' or some other nonsense. Preposterous.

Still...

It was Serena, after all. Blair didn't dare hope for this, no way, but perhaps she actually meant all that she was saying. Perhaps their friendship truly was more important than any boyfriends they might have shared. She would have to be tested.

"I'm seeing Dan again." Blair played the pointed comment much like she would a chess piece, with great thought to timing and placement.

Serena looked confused, but not uncomfortable. "Oh. Blair, he's engaged."

"No, I know. I didn't mean we were seeing each other romantically. I meant we're seeing other, as in spending time together, making amends. It's part of the reason I called you. I figure if he and I can be friends again, then surely you and I can as well." Blair stared at the beautiful girl sitting across from her. She looked like she might cry.

"Blair, I want that more than anything else in the world." Again with the histrionics. "I'll do anything you want just say that we're going to be okay, that you...that you love me still."

Knowing full well that Serena was playing to her emotional side, Blair still had to choke back the lump that began to rise in her throat. She had waited a long time to hear Serena say those words to her and she wasn't going to waste them by blubbering through the conversation.

Blair took a deep breath. "I love you. Still. In spite of everything, I love you. That's never changed." Then she shrugged.

If she had been on the verge early on, Serena didn't stand a chance when Blair uttered those words to her. She burst into tears, stood up, and flung her arms around a stunned Blair's neck. "I'm so happy to hear you say that. I've been waiting for the right time, but it never came, and now it's been five years, B. FIVE YEARS. Can you forgive me?"

There it was. The death blow. The one that would make or break this, whatever this was. Serena took Blair's hands and clasped them together between her own. She sat on her knees in the middle of the restaurant, not caring if she looked foolish.

"God Serena, get up!" Blair looked around and finally, after a lengthy pause she muttered, "Yes. Yes, I forgive you. Just stop being so theatrical about it all. You look insane."

Serena was beaming. "Blair! Do you mean it? You're not scheming against me or anything right?"

_Give. me. a. break._

Blair rolled her eyes but underneath the sarcasm was a warmth that Serena hadn't heard directed at her in qute some time. "No. I'm not scheming against you. And yes, I mean it."

The two women spent the rest of the meal discussing everything from fashion to family to failed endeavors, Serena hardly coming up for air. It was as if she were a fount of information that had been unstoppered after years of oppression. She talked of Eric's successes since college, how his experiences had led him into playwriting, how he channeled all of the struggles and angst of his youth into his work and how brilliant his latest piece was. She detailed how Lily and Rufus had remarried a year ago and how everybody knew it was going to happen, it had just been a matter of time. For fear of upsetting Blair, she skipped over Chuck, but Blair was a keen observer and detected the omission immediately, so Serena spilled. Chuck had gotten himself a girlfriend about a year ago and most surprising of all, he hadn't screwed it up. They were living together and were planning a move overseas sometime in the next six months. Blair took all of this in and was genuinely pleased to hear it. What Serena didn't understand was that Chuck didn't affect her the way that he had in their younger days. She was grown and independent and she understood her worth much better than she had back when she and Chuck played their cat and mouse games. There was much that Serena didn't have knowledge of concerning the person Blair had become over the last five years, and the same was true of Blair's understanding of Serena. But that was to change if they had anything to say about it.

Serena invited Blair to attend a staged reading of Eric's new play the following week. This was to be their first official outing together and both of them treated it with the reverence they believed it deserved. Serena met Blair at her penthouse and exchanged a few awkward pleasantries with Dorota and Cyrus, both of whom were not as adjusted to the idea of Serena's return into Blair's life. She helped her pick out a dress for the event knowing that Blair would probably choose something entirely too ostentatious for an informal play reading. They arrived at the theater seemingly undetected 20 minutes early, drank sub par cocktails in plastic cups from the bar, picked up programs, and took their seats. The play in question was Eric's new adaptation of Jaqueline Susann's _Valley of the Dolls _which Blair thought was entirely too ambitious for a two hour reading but she kept these things to herself. Not being all that interested in the cast, she hadn't bothered to look at the program prior to curtain, but if she had, she just might have gotten up and left before the performance even began.

The lights dimmed and the director took the stage for the curtain speech. She droned on about what a privilege it had been, how this piece was so special, how it was a metaphor for blah, blah, blah. _God these people can be so pretentious. _Blair perked up when the director acknowledged Eric, who was seated in the back on the opposite side, clapping and even cheering for the young man. Music played, then blackout.

The lights came up and Blair nearly choked on her drink.

Seated amongst the actors, right in the middle, was little Miss Texas herself. Blair scrambled to find her program, sifted through the ads finally locating the cast list. There she was. Listed next to the character Neely was the name of the actress..._Anne Elizabeth Chapman. _Exceedingly irritated, Blair squirmed in her seat. "Of course she's a three namer. Makes total sense. Ugh. It's just so florid."

Serena shushed Blair and whispered, "What are you going on about? Be quiet, you're being rude."

"It's her, Serena, Dan's HER. She's one of the actors." Blair jabbed at the name in the program.

Serena's eyes grew large and she mouthed a silent "Oh" as Blair discreetly pointed out the pretty brunette on the stage. "Well, this should be interesting." Serena stated.

As the reading progressed, Blair's brain was in overdrive. Snarky comments and self pitying thoughts were combatting her promise to Dan and the stark revelation that Elizabeth might possess actual talent. She approached the girl's performance with an overly critical eye, tearing apart and analyzing the delivery of each line and nuance. It was about half way through the second act when Blair had to admit that she was enjoying the piece and in particular, Elizabeth's performance and interpretation. Her portrayal of the spoiled, pill-popping, narcissistic actress was spot on.

After the performance, Serena wanted to stick around to offer congratulations to Eric. They waited in the lobby for him to come out, Blair hoping against hope that Elizabeth would slip out the back door and not see her. This was not to be. Blair cringed as all the actors filed out into the lobby, sans costumes, Elizabeth trailing the pack. She picked out Blair immediately and ran to embrace her.

"Blair! I'm so glad you came! Really, I can't believe it. Did you like it? It's a great piece isn't it?" Elizabeth chattered.

Blair took a deep breath and smiled. "Yes. I thought it was poignant and clever. The dialogue conveyed just the right amount of satire to keep the audience grounded while still nourishing our emotional attachment to the characters. It was...very good."

Elizabeth beamed and repeated herself. "I can't believe you came. This means so much to me. It really does."

"Ahem." Serena gently reminded Blair that she hadn't been introduced.

"Oh!" Blair croaked. Why was she so nervous? "Where are my manners? Elizabeth, this is Serena van der Woodsen, Eric's sister and my good friend."

The women exchanged introductions and marveled at the fact that it was such a small world. Elizabeth, having been a last minute replacement in the play, had had no idea of the connection between Eric the playwright and her fiancé's circle of former acquaintances. She had heard of Serena only in passing because of Rufus, but she had never met her and Dan didn't talk about her. Elizabeth convinced them all to get drinks at the casts' favorite local haunt after the performance, wanting to get to know them better. It was just around the block so they walked, Eric and Elizabeth riding on the high of the evening's success, Serena and Blair carefully navigating the evening's precarious path.

The bar was a little blue collar for Blair's taste but everyone else seemed to like it just fine so she held her complaints in, saving them for later. In fact, as the evening wore on, she began to enjoy herself. Eric entertained them with horror stories from the latest series of blind dates his mother had set up for him to which Serena simply gloated, the words 'I told you so' lingering in her smug expression. Elizabeth had them rolling with tales of recent auditions gone to hell and performance nightmares come true. Blair had to admit, the girl was hilarious. She had a way of delivering a punchline that produced the maximum amount of comedy; the story about her first day in New York City literally had Blair snorting her drink up her nose.

"I mean, the guy didn't even offer to pay me for the peep show! Can you imagine? I do him the courtesy of face planting, dress over my head, right in the middle of his subway set, and he doesn't even give me a cut? All I know is the dude got more tips that day than all the days in the last month combined!" Elizabeth shook her head in mock disbelief as her captive audience roared.

"I would have died. I would literally have fallen down dead right there on the spot." Blair chimed in.

"I'm surprised I didn't. I almost ran back to my apartment to book a flight home, but that was the night I met Dan. So, things started to look up by the end of the day." Elizabeth was positively glowing at the mention of her husband-to-be. "He couldn't make it tonight but we have a couple more performances so I'm sure he'll get out to one of them. He's been so supportive of me. I sometimes think that he's not real, you know? Like he's a pre-programmed boyfriend for purchase or something. He's...perfect." Blair had to look away as Elizabeth's frankness was making her uncomfortable and Elizabeth seemed to notice. "Gosh, I've been blathering on all night. Why didn't you shut me up? I want to know more about you guys. You were best friends in high school right? That's pretty amazing that you're still close. Were you friends with Dan back then too, Serena?"

Serena waited quietly before answering, "Yes, Dan and I were good friends."

"I am going to have to get on to him." Elizabeth jested. "You guys are so much fun. I love hanging out with you. You're amazing and I think he's been keeping you secret from me or something!" She laughed.

Eric choke/coughed inciting Elizabeth to break her train of thought and pat him on the back until he collected himself. Serena and Blair eyed one another nervously, silently communicating in the way they always had, and elected to let this be the close of the conversation.

"Well, I've got to get up early, meetings you know, so I think Serena and I will be going." She stood. "Eric, it was really outstanding. Your work is impressive. I'm going to have to come again, I think." Blair turned to Elizabeth, whom she so desperately desired to dislike, but was finding it increasingly more difficult to do so. "You were wonderful tonight, Elizabeth. You're extremely talented and you...you moved me with your performance. Truly."

All pretense and showmanship washed away from Elizabeth's face as she responded. "Thank you Blair. I know, or, I'm beginning to realize how much Dan values your opinion, so I in turn value it too. It means a great deal to me." Elizabeth's arms encircled Blair's shoulders and she softly squeezed. "Good night." Then the moment was broken by her childlike squeal. "Oooooo! When can we get together again? All of us! Dan too. Don't put me off because I know for a fact that you don't have any blind dates lined up, Eric. Surely we could find a night. Please?"

All parties agreed that yes, they could find a night to get together. Then they each headed to their respective homes, Serena and Blair sharing a cab as they were going in the same direction, but truthfully they both wanted to debrief.

"So. Elizabeth seems nice." Serena baited Blair.

Blair sighed. "Yeah, she is nice. A little too sparkly, but very nice. I can see why he-" Loves? Likes? Wants? "-picked her. She's sort of infectious, don't you think?"

Serena grimaced at Blair's choice of words but agreed nonetheless. "I do think it's a little strange that he hasn't told her about you. Or me. Especially after you guys ran into each other. It would be one thing if you two were still at odds, but you're not. It's the opposite in fact. Why do you think that is?"

Blair did not want to talk about this. This piece of information was the one thing tethering her to a secret hope. If Dan hadn't told Elizabeth about their past, there had to be a very specific reason for it. What that reason was, Blair could only speculate, but it gave her reason to hope regardless. She had hardly admitted it to herself, but this hope had begun to grow in her from the moment Dan had introduced her as 'someone he went to high school with.' It had been fueling her daydreams, distracting her from her work, and giving bounce to her step.

"I don't know. Maybe it just hasn't come up." Blair blew it off.

"It hasn't come up? Blair, that's ridiculous. Of course it's-" Serena was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. "Hey Eric."

"Have you looked at Gossip Girl tonight?" Eric's voice was strained.

"No. You know I don't look at that stuff anymore." Serena scoffed.

"Well, you may want to check it out. She's back to posting about you." Eric warned.

Serena hung up the phone. "We need to look at the latest Gossip Girl blast." When the site loaded on Blair's screen, both girls gasped. There was a picture of the four of them at the bar tonight laughing accompanied by the following words.

_"Spotted: Serena van der Woodsen, Queen B, and Lonely Boy's bride to be cozying up to one another at a shotty bar downtown. Silly boy. Doesn't he know that three girlfriends make a crowd? The poor thing doesn't stand a chance against two conniving exes. This little threesome is a fustercluck waiting to happen."_

_TBC_


	4. Chapter Four: Resignation

**Hello everyone! I'm so glad you are enjoying this story! I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter finished. I plan on the rest coming much, much quicker. Reviews are much appreciated and I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter Four: Resignation**

_Maybe they haven't seen it yet. I'm sure he doesn't check it anymore and she's probably never even heard of the bitch. _

Blair delicately sipped her mimosa.

_Maybe they're just laughing it off. Maybe it's no big deal. I'll bet it's no big deal._

The morning breeze blew wisps of hair around her face and several strands caught in her lipstick. She set her drink down to remove the unwanted intruders from her mouth.

_This is ridiculous. Of course it's a big deal. He lied to her about me. Why isn't she flipping out?_

"It's shaping up to be a really beautiful day." Elizabeth remarked lazily while picking at her southwestern scrambled eggs.

"Mmm, it really is. I'm glad we decided to eat outside." Blair responded. "How's yours?" She directed the question at a distracted Dan.

"What? Oh, it's good. It's good." His response was half hearted at best.

Blair could sense something bothering Dan, just hidden beneath the surface. He had a tell that she had learned early on in their youth. Whenever Dan was worried or upset about something, he would rake his teeth over his bottom lip repeatedly, often so much so that it caused his lip to chap or even bleed. When they were dating, Blair would get on to him about it, to no avail of course.

This morning Dan was really going at his lip.

"What's got you all worked up?" Blair pointedly asked.

Dan looked up, distracted. "Huh? Oh, nothing much. Just a little work issue."

Elizabeth pressed further despite the fact that Dan very obviously didn't want to discuss it. "Don't do that. Just tell us. Maybe we can help." She gave Blair a wink and a sly smile.

"Trust me, there's nothing you can do here. It's a mess of my own making and I've got to figure out how to get out of it." Dan brushed her off.

"C'mon baby, now you're starting to worry me. What's going on?" Elizabeth pushed. Blair was annoyed with Elizabeth's pet name for Dan, and Dan was annoyed with, well, Elizabeth.

"Look, it's just that when I signed with my publisher to work on that series several years ago, I thought I was golden, but they've just asked me to extend it by another 4 books and quite frankly, I'm tired of it. I don't want to write stories about terrorists and espionage and people taking over the pentagon anymore." Dan confessed.

Blair balked at him. "Let me get this straight. You've had five novels published and you're twenty-six years old. Three of them happen to be a part of a successful trilogy. This is what has gotten your panties in a wad?"

"This is why I didn't want to discuss it with you Blair. I don't want to hear how I'm ungrateful and spoiled." Dan accused. Then with a smirk, "I just want to wallow in my own discontent."

"Well you must know it's true because those are the exact words I would have used. Spoiled and ungrateful. So you haven't been able to write your great American novel yet. You have your entire life for that. Most writers only get one masterpiece per lifetime, anyhow. Do you really want to waste yours in your twenties?" Blair reasoned.

"Geez, Blair, harsh much?" Elizabeth teased. "Dan, I get it. You don't have to listen to Miss Meanie over here."

"Yeah, I kind of do." Dan sighed. "She's right. She's always right. This is why I don't tell her things. She knocks me on my ass with her truth weaponry. No, I don't want to have to crank out another spy novel in six months or less, but a book deal's a book deal. I should be grateful. It's just that there are days when I have a hard time feeling proud of my work. I honestly haven't been proud of any of my books since Inside."

"What about your second book, what's it called? The one that made the best seller list. Oh yeah-" Elizabeth was cut off by a nervous Dan.

"Nope. Not real proud of that one either. It was pretty sleazy." Dan responded.

"Yes, but it made you an official 'Bestselling Author.' What's not to like about that?" Elizabeth seemed to be in the dark about this part of Dan and Blair's history as well.

Blair came to Dan's rescue. "Well, it WAS terribly sleazy. Moving on. You write your books, you continue to make a name for yourself, and in ten years you will be able to write whatever you want. You could write a story about a unicorn who join's the army if you wanted to."

Dan laughed. "Yeah, I suppose I could."

"Yeah you can! You can do anything you want! Like kiss me right now, for instance." She laid a big smack on him and giggled. Blair looked the other direction. She would do this for Dan, she would assist his bride in whatever way she could. But she didn't have to enjoy it.

Keeping her promise was proving to be more difficult than she could have imagined. Elizabeth had finally settled on a venue so wedding preparations were well underway. Phone calls between the two women to discuss everything from flowers to table settings to bridesmaid dresses were not uncommon after Dan assured Elizabeth of Blair's prowess. Blair, it seemed was becoming the unofficial maid of honor. She wasn't as reluctant as one might assume, however, because she loved weddings ever so much. She also security thrilled in knowing the preparations she contributed to were for Dan's wedding. His marriage. It made her feel connected to him, not intimately, but something similar. She refused to allow herself to contemplate what all of this involvement would mean for her because if she thought too hard about the implications of her assistance, her companion inevitably made an appearance and she would have to spend the next ten minutes breathing deeply in an effort to relax its grip. She floated from task to task concentrating solely on the details before her. Lilies or hydrangeas? Plum or lavender color scheme? String quartet or organ, or both? Decisions like these were Blair's forte. Elizabeth was more than eager to take advantage of her expertise as they sat together brunching one Tuesday morning.

It had been over a week since the GG blast and neither Dan nor Elizabeth had mentioned a word of it.

"Oh, Blair, I've been meaning to ask you something. When you got married, how many attendants did you have? I think I'd like to keep it small and only have a couple, but my mother is insisting I ask all of my cousins which would push me to nine. Nine bridesmaids, That just seems like way too many to me. What do you think?" Elizabeth was developing a habit of rambling whenever wedding prep crept into the conversation.

"I only had four, but I really think the decision should be up to you." Blair informed her.

"Someone's changed her tune." Dan teased. "I can remember a time when a certain young bride followed Emily Post's etiquette book right down to the number of blooms allotted for the bouquets."

"A girl can change, Dan. It's not completely unheard of." Blair could be such a smartass, though she typically believed every word she masked with sarcasm. She could change. She had changed. When Dan came into her life, Blair's eyes had been opened to entirely undiscovered facets of her personality. The traits had always been there, she just had yet to explore them for they had been trapped behind the facade she put on for the world. The same facade that Dan Humphrey saw right through and tore down when he peered into her soul. The same facade that she was rancorously building once again, albeit subconsciously and unbeknownst to Blair herself.

The weeks began to fly by. Blair threw herself into her work. Life was fashion and fashion was life and nothing else mattered. Thoughts of designers and hemlines ricocheted between her ears night and day in the hopes of drowning any residual thoughts of Dan. He never once mentioned the blast to her so Blair had to assume that he had not seen it. She knew that she should feel relieved but there was a part of her that was slightly disappointed that it had escaped his notice for it would have forced him to confess his past relationship with her to Elizabeth. The twisted portion of her consciousness was begging for the object of Dan's affection to know how much Blair had once meant to him. She had been his muse and his inspiration. She had been his lover and bosom friend. She was strangely proud of the fact that they had been passionate enemies for it spoke to their unwavering connection in spite of distance and disagreement. All of these thoughts Blair kept close to her heart, hidden from those around her. Serena came calling often, desperate to strengthen the renewed bond between them, yet Blair's closeted obsession kept them from plugging in to each other like they had in their girlhood. They would talk and laugh and giggle about silly things but Blair had begun to build a wall around herself that was in danger of becoming impenetrable. Even Cyrus had a tough time with it. What used to be cozy, intimate dinners in which they would bear their souls over braised lamb ragout became amicable, neighborly recaps of their days and talk of the weather. Blair was completely unaware of what was happening to her. It was a familiar path for her to follow and she fell into step easily, almost as if she were sleepwalking. Her priority was protecting herself and she was proficient. Her disconnect was not so profound that she neglected her relationships entirely and she made great efforts to continue her tutelage of Elizabeth in all that comes with planning a wedding. In fact, passersby might suspect that the girls were dear friends. The way they smiled and laughed and talked of vows and venues superficially appeared to be a true kinship. They brunched, they shopped, they cocktailed, they did all the things girlfriends did in the days leading up to nuptials.

One particular morning, Blair took Elizabeth to her favorite spa for a preview of the services she would use on her wedding day.

"We'll get you a mani/pedi, then we can have them do your makeup so you'll know what to expect when you have your bridal portraits taken. After that, we'll move on to your hair. Did you decide yet if you want it up or down?" This was one of Blair's favorite parts of the process. She thoroughly enjoyed watching an already beautiful young woman transform from a maiden into a princess.

"I'm not sure. What do you think? I'm not very good with the frilly stuff. I just know that I don't want to look like a prom queen." Elizabeth didn't seem to be enjoying herself like Blair wanted her to. Several times throughout the morning, Blair would catch Elizabeth staring off into nothing, deep in thought. It seemed her fiancé was not the only one in their affiliation prone to distraction. Blair said nothing about it as she understood better than most a girl's need for privacy, but she couldn't help but wonder why Elizabeth wasn't more engaged in her engagement. When she herself had been engaged, it had consumed all of her waking thoughts. The very first musings of her mind in the morning were of peonies and parties, of china patterns and silk tulle.

Elizabeth's phone rang. She scrambled to fish it out of her pocket muttering an expletive when it dropped on the floor. She hurriedly picked it up and answered but her shoulders fell when she responded to the caller. "No thanks, I don't really have time to take a survey right now." Click.

If she were being perfectly honest, Blair was not all that interested in the day to day struggles of Elizabeth Chapman, but she had made a promise to Dan and by god she was determined to honor it.

"What's going on? There's something bothering you." Blair forced herself to say.

Elizabeth stopped scrolling through her emails long enough to look up and say, "Hmm? Oh, it's nothing. I have an audition tomorrow and I'm just anxious. Nervous jitters. No big deal."

Blair could not have been less interested. "Oh? What's it for?"

Elizabeth inhaled slowly and stared at the floor, seemingly to check out her toes (which were in fact desperately in need of a pedicure), but Blair could tell she was avoiding the question. Maybe this would prove to be interesting after all.

Elizabeth looked intently into Blair's eyes. "Well, if I tell you, you can't tell Dan. At least, not yet. Do you promise?"

Blair imagined a small red flag appearing and floating above Elizabeth's head. She had never been very good at keeping secrets from Dan. It was something to do with his comprehensive knowledge of her character, imperfections included, and it had always irritated her to no end. Once, when they were in high school, Blair had masterminded a senior class prank. She and several of her minions were finalizing the details at lunch on the day it was to be executed when Dan beckoned her over to the secluded corner where he was lurking. He confronted her about it, said he knew she was planning something and that she had better think twice about going through with it if she wanted to keep her squeaky clean record. Not wanting anything to deter her perfect plan, Blair turned her innocent charms onto poor Humphrey. She lied, saying they were gossiping about some freshman who had shown up at school that morning with no panties on underneath her uniform skirt and was flaunting her assets to unsuspecting St. Judes attendees. Her story had been well developed and rich in detail as she had been hoping to lead Humphrey off of her scent with the raunchy tale of nether regions and no-no's. It was a winner and she knew it. Apparently so did he. He didn't buy it, called her Pinnocchio and threatened to rat her out to the administration. She had been furious with him, of course, and blacklisted him for two weeks. It was only well into her sophomore year at Columbia that she realized his intention, though self righteous, had been to protect her. Her desire to attend Yale was matched only by his and he had recognized this in her. He knew that any marks on her record would move her further away from her dream.

"I can't lie to him. I've never been able to deceive him, though Lord knows I've tried. He knows me too well." Blair was determined not to get in the middle of this.

Elizabeth pleaded with Blair. "It would only be for a little while. Please? I'm dying to talk to someone about it. I just need to sort through a few things before I tell Dan."

Blair sighed internally. Elizabeth was bound to spill no matter her objections. She nodded her head signaling for Elizabeth to continue. The young woman's face lit up when she got the green light.

"I got a phone call from the artistic director of a highly esteemed regional theater company the other day. He told me that he had seen me in_ Valley of the Dolls _and he wanted me to come audition for his new production of_ Our Town. _He wants me to come read for Emily, the lead female role. I mean, not only is Our Town one of my very favorite plays, but were I to book this, I'd get my Equity card. I could go union! This is kind of huge for an out of work actress in New York City." She was positively beaming.

"That's fantastic news. What's the problem?" Blair asked.

"The theater is in Chicago and it's an eight week engagement." Elizabeth was holding out on her, it was all over her inflection.

"Well that doesn't sound so bad, you could make it work. I know it would be inconvenient, but not impossible, right?" Blair fished further.

Finally Elizabeth conceded. "The dates of the production directly conflict with my wedding."

"Oh." There it is. "That changes things. What are you going to do?"

Elizabeth hesitated before answering, "I'm going to keep the audition. He's only in town seeing people for a few more days. I have to go, right? I mean, I probably won't even get it. I'm sure he's having tons of girls read for that role. If I go, I'll know I did everything I could and I won't have any regrets."

If anyone understood career aspirations it was Blair Waldorf. Her lofty goals had lead her, or mislead her as the case may be, to crush more than a few unsuspecting souls who deigned to stand in her way. She was a diehard feminist and avid supporter of women who followed their dreams. Of course Elizabeth should go to the audition. However, her loyalty to Dan was screaming at her to oppress her initial response and discourage Elizabeth from pursuing the role. This would hurt him and she was vehemently against being responsible for bringing that wounded look back into his eyes, directly or indirectly.

"I can't tell you what to do here Elizabeth. Honestly my opinion is divided right down the middle. It's a great opportunity for you, that's undeniable. Choosing this would mean making your wedding second in priority to your career though. You're going to have to decide if the job is worth the inevitable fallout. Dan would understand, I know he would, but he wouldn't forget. He's too romantic. He falls fast and hard and whether it's right or not, you are first to him above all else. Given the magnitude of the event you would be delaying, you would be placing Dan into second position in your life and you need to figure out if that's where you want him placed." Blair felt like some sort of old sage and was quite annoyed with herself for putting so much thought into her counsel. This was their business and she did not want to be involved. Blair allowed herself one moment of clarity before shutting off that train of thought.

_It hurts far too much. _

Elizabeth continued to peruse the nail polish colors, grazing the small glass bottles slowly and thoughtfully. It was at that moment that the nail technician called their names. Elizabeth hastily grabbed a bright pink and turned to walk toward the woman beckoning them to come further into the salon, but Blair noticed she had a soft nude polish in her other hand. She rolled her eyes at Elizabeth's indecisiveness. During their treatments Elizabeth didn't bring up the subject of _Our Town _again which relieved the troubled Blair. This matter was between Dan and Elizabeth and it did her no good to worry about the state of his heart. He should not be, would not be, was not her concern. That is, until later that evening.

After their morning at the spa, Blair bid Elizabeth adieu and returned to Cyrus' penthouse for a nap and a novel. Cyrus was off visiting Aaron and wasn't due to return until the following week so she had the entire place to herself. The betrothed girl had worn her out and she was grateful for the peace and quiet. Eyelids fluttering, she was nearly asleep when her phone rang, jarring her and causing her to knock the mug of tea off of her nightstand.

"Hello?" she muttered.

"Blair? Oh my gosh Blair, I'm so glad you answered. I need you to do me a huge favor. I will love you forever and ever, just please say yes!" Elizabeth spat into the phone.

Grumble. "What is it?" Blair did not appreciate being woken up.

"That director just called me and he's having to leave earlier than expected. He wants me to come in to see him tonight. The only thing is, I'm supposed to meet Dan at a dance studio at 7:30 for lessons. I forced him to take the class with me and now I can't get ahold of him to cancel. I actually really want him to go to the class tonight because let's be honest, he's a terrible dancer and I want to have that first dance wedding moment, you know? Can you please, please go meet him and take the class so he's not left all alone wondering where I am? I know this is a lot to ask, but I'm begging you." Elizabeth finally stopped to breathe.

_No. Nope. I am not doing this._ Elizabeth was not her actual friend and this was something you did only for the closest of your actual friends.

"Sure. That's fine. Just text me the address." Spineless. When did she become spineless?

"Thank you! So much! Hey, one more thing. I haven't had a chance to practice my monologue yet, like at all. Could you listen to me do it over the phone? I know it's weird but it would make me feel so much better having gotten through it at least once in front of another person." She was relentless.

"Yeah, sure, okay."

"Alright, I'm going to put you on speaker, okay. Just give me a second to get ready." Elizabeth set the phone down, or at least that's what it sounded like. Blair heard some shuffling and then silence. Finally, Elizabeth's voice floated over the line to Blair's reluctant ears. There was no speaking at first, only quiet breathing and some sniffling. Then came the words.

"I can't. I can't go on! It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another." Crying. "I didn't realize. So all _that _was going on and we never noticed!" More crying, harder this time. "Take me back-up the hill-to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look." The sobbing subsided and then very gently, "Goodbye. Goodbye world. Goodbye, goodbye Grover's Corners-Mama and Papa-Goodbye to clocks ticking-and my butternut tree! And Mama's sunflowers-and food and coffee-and new ironed dresses and hot baths-and sleeping and waking up!" A pause. "Oh earth, you're too wonderful for anyone to realize you! Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it-every, _every_ minute?"

Struggling to get the words out, Blair whispered almost inaudibly, "No. Saints and poets maybe-they do some."

Elizabeth snatched up her phone. "You know the lines? That's great! I should use you more often. So-what did you think? How was I?"

Blair gathered herself enough to say, "Authentic."

Blair arrived at the studio at twenty past seven, ten minutes early, to find Dan waiting anxiously on a bench in the hallway. He was seated with his elbows on his knees, one leg rapidly bouncing up and down as he wrung his hands together. He had never seemed so boyish to her, at least not since high school when she had made a sport of unnerving him. It was odd to see him in such a state, this man who was always so self assured, so confidant. Blair was filled with an overwhelming need to take care of him.

Dan looked up at her and confusion passed over his features. "What are you doing here?"

"Elizabeth asked me to come. She had a pretty big audition come up at the last minute and she asked if I would fill in for her. I would have said no, but she insisted. Apparently this was one of those once in a lifetime opportunities. Anyway, she couldn't get ahold of you and it's really important to her that you learn at least some basic steps, though I told her you might just be a lost cause." Blair sort of half smiled not sure how he would respond to the news.

"Oh." It was all he had to say.

They held their positions, him sitting hunched on the bench, her leaning against the opposite wall for several minutes, each deep in thought waiting for the class to begin.

Finally Dan said, "Well, let's do this." he offered her his arm as he stood and she took it, grateful that they had crossed this first hurdle unscathed.

The instructor appraised them upon entering and seemed to approve, though Blair was more than just a little irritated that someone of her caliber and talents would ever need approval. "I have SEVERAL years of dance under my belt, not to mention all of my training for cotillion in high school. Did she really need to give us the once over like that?" Blair huffed, Dan just chuckled. He was being unusually quiet this evening which Blair would have attributed to fatigue had she not been aware of the fact that according to Elizabeth, Dan had slept until noon this morning.

"Wake up Humphrey. I'm afraid this is going to be much harder for you than it is for me. You're going to have to pay attention if you want to get this right." Blair chided.

They spent the first twenty minutes of the lesson traipsing around the floor, Blair constantly having to correct Dan's feet after repeatedly stepping on her toes. Had the offender been anyone else, Blair would have bitten his head off for scuffing the tips of her Loubitins and most likely would have been out the door. But this wasn't someone else, this was Dan and even in his ineptitude she found him charming. His inabilities were rather endearing to her if she were being honest because it meant he truly did need her help and Blair loved to be needed. Well, she loved to be needed by him.

"You are a truly awful dancer." Blair looked up at him and smiled. "I'm not sure how much good these classes are going to do for you."

He smiled back, maintaining his silence.

"You're being awfully quiet for a person who loves to talk as much as you do." Blair was beginning to feel a little unnerved by his reserve.

He closed his eyes for a moment before responding. "I've got a lot on my mind."

"Well, I'm an excellent listener if you'd like to talk." Blair offered.

"Thanks, but I'm not feeling very chatty." Dan looked wistfully out the window.

Blair nodded and continued with the steps the instructor had given them, attempting to get him to lead or at least follow her.

Finally Dan just planted his feet. "I think I need a break."

He released her hand and walked out onto the balcony leaving a bewildered Blair behind. She wasn't sure if she should go after him or give him some space and wait for him to angst it out on his own. She considered her options for about ten seconds and eventually her meddlesome side won out. She chose the first option and decided to check on him. She marched across the wooden floor, heels clicking, and opened the door to the balcony, leaving the dancing couples in her wake. Knocking so as not to startle him, she hesitantly approached the pensive Dan.

"A penny for your thoughts?" She smiled knowing he would groan at her use of the cliche.

He didn't respond. He only stared at the cityscape in front of him. Blair noted that his hands gripped the railing, spreading the skin tight over his knuckles. He looked...lost. Blair had been the willing recipient of Dan's help on numerous occasions, too many to be counted, really. She felt a sense of obligation to him for this because for all intents and purposes he had been her savior. There was something else too. Blair prided herself on being very self aware; she was familiar with all of her flaws and faults. If she were to catalogue these faults, selfishness would make the top of the list. She had always known this about herself and was satisfied that as long as she kept her other flaws in check she could let this one dominate. This was not so where Dan was concerned. Perhaps when they were younger and more naive, but not now. Not today. His face registered a desperateness, a neediness that made it impossible for her to ignore his silent plea. He may not desire help from her specifically, but he was definitely crying out for someone to come to his aid.

"Do you ever stop right in the middle of some ordinary part of your day and think, how did I get here?" Dan interrupted Blair's inner monologue and continued staring.

"What do you mean?" Blair wanted to encourage him to keep talking.

Taking his hands from his pockets, he gestured toward a middle aged man on the street walking his dog. "Take this guy for instance. He's forty-five or so, he's just taking his dog, we'll call him Sparky, for a walk. It's a regular night, he's had his dinner, he's getting ready to watch some tv with his wife, but he has to take Sparky out for a walk first. It's normal, it's routine, he's comfortable. Then it hits him, BAM. Knocks him over. And he thinks...why is everything in my life the way that it is? How did it all line up this way? Is this really the path I was supposed to have taken? I mean, what if there was another path, a different path that might have changed things for me completely?" Dan stopped for a moment to chew his bottom lip.

Blair watched him work through his thoughts, unsure if she should respond. He turned his face to hers and met her eyes, searching them for answers. The intensity of his gaze nearly took her breath away. She felt exposed, vulnerable under his fixed stare. It was as if he were probing her mind. She couldn't stand it, had to break it.

"I think that everybody questions their choices once they've been made. It's perfectly normal to wonder and worry about the future, or even the past. Lord knows, I've done it enough." Blair explained.

"But-but what if I've chosen wrong? What if I spend my whole life doing something that was not meant for me?" He paused to look out over the city again. Then meekly, "Or being with someone I wasn't meant for. Or worse, who wasn't meant for me."

Here it was. The moment of reckoning Blair had assumed would come much further down the line, but that she knew was coming nonetheless. Yet, here it suddenly popped up and presented itself to her on a silver platter. This was her test. The selfishness inside of her triumphed at this turn of events for if it had its way, she could easily sway him in the direction that would benefit her most. She could feed his insecurities with doubts of her design subtly planted bit by bit. It would be so simple a task to pull off were it not for one thing. Her selfish nature didn't really stand a chance against the part of her that wanted to help him feel whole. That annoying, irritating measure of her that had grown largely due to the time she had spent with and away from the man standing before her. Yes, this was her test; she would pass it and come out on the other end a better person.

"I don't believe in destiny. I believe that life is a series of choices and those choices determine the outcome of our lives. Sometimes we're presented with two equally appealing options, each one offering it's own set of attributes. The challenge comes in deciphering which set of attributes you actually want. Neither choice is wrong or right. It's just a matter of deciding, making the choice. Of saying I choose this." Blair was fairly certain she was being transparent enough to communicate her point. She was equally as frightened that she had been too transparent.

Dan held his stance for a spell during which time Blair realized they had missed a large portion of the lesson. She was about to tell him as much when he tugged on her hand.

"Listen." A smile crept up his cheeks. "They're playing your song."

Craning her ear toward the sound, Blair listened intently as a large smile engulfed her face. "Moon River. It must be a sign Humphrey. Let's get back in there and cut a rug." Blair held fast to his hand as she jested and pulled him toward the door. She stopped when she felt resistance from him, giving him a quizzical backwards glance. Dan, who had a firm hold of her wrist, yanked Blair toward him until they were flush against one another, face to face. The shock of the sudden movement caused Blair to yelp which in turn made Dan laugh.

"How about it Waldorf-dance with me? It is a sign, after all." Dan could be so cheeky sometimes.

He didn't wait for an answer. He simply took her right hand in his left and slipped his other hand around her waist. Her breath caught in her throat as slowly they began to sway to the melodious notes drifting from inside the dance studio. Notes that on any given day made her swoon. Notes that upon hearing in Dan Humphrey's arms melted any and all resistance she had built up against him.

"You've been holding out on me." Blair tried to control the huskiness in her voice.

He spun them around, holding her close to his chest and then, God help her, he dipped her. Back arched, hair cascading, neck draped, dipped her. Slowly he lifted her up, slowly she rolled into an upright position, slowly his fingertips trailed down her arms and encircled her waist, slowly her arms coiled up and around his neck, and slowly Dan placed his cheek against hers.

It was a perfect moment.

Dan and Blair were music in motion, she melody and he harmony in impeccable synchronization. Every move of her body was matched by his, so in tune were they. She anticipated each step, each swerve as his body cajoled and coaxed movement from hers. His hands began an ascent up her back, pressing the soft fabric of her blouse against her skin, as they carefully made their way up to her neck then back down again. He cradled her spine, running his fingers over the little bumps, pulling her closer as each curvature passed underneath his nimble fingers. Her hands crawled up the back of his neck and began to pay attention to the small curls that were beginning to form at the nape. She heard his sharp intake of breath as she gently twirled her finger around a particularly long curl on the right side of his head, just behind his ear. Still he pulled her closer. They couldn't seem to get close enough to satisfy themselves. His stubble scraped her cheek. Her breath caressed the tiny hairs scattered on his earlobe. The intimacy of their promenade was not lost on either one of them, but it was too delectable to let go. Too impassioned. They were too connected.

They were interrupted by the clearing of a throat behind them.

Dan and Blair looked up to see Elizabeth frowning at them. "Hey." Dan said as his arms slipped off of Blair's body leaving a void she hadn't been aware was there.

"I got done early so I thought I might be able to catch the end of the lesson. The audition went really well." Then directly at Blair. "I guess I should have paid a little more attention to that Gossip Girl blast."

And Blair's aching companion returned, conquering her from the inside out.

_TBC_


	5. Chapter Five: Reversal

**Chapter Five: Reversal**

In that moment, Blair registered several facts simultaneously, the first being that Elizabeth Chapman was not her friend. It was evident in the way she glowered at Blair behind seemingly neutral eyes. Elizabeth was an actress and she had played the part well. The second fact she discovered was that Dan was oblivious to the entire affair. His horror stricken expression spoke of genuine surprise and guilt. He didn't know about the blast. He didn't know that Elizabeth had been sizing Blair up most likely from the moment they had crossed paths at The Met. The third fact was more of a theory; it was entirely possible that Elizabeth had orchestrated this moment in order to test Dan, and perhaps Blair too.

"What are you talking about? What blast?" Dan's curiosity outweighed his sense of self-preservation.

"The Gossip Girl blast from several weeks ago outing Serena and Blair as your ex-girlfriends and outing me as a fool." Elizabeth stated matter of factly.

"Wait. You read Gossip Girl?" Dan couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that the infamous blogger had returned to pestering him.

"I hardly think that is important right now, Dan." Blair interjected. "Elizabeth is obviously upset that you didn't tell her about our history."

"Neither did you. Or Serena." Elizabeth quipped. "Or Eric." She chuckled but the laugh didn't reach her eyes.

Dan looked up at Elizabeth then down at the ground. "I have an explanation for that. It's not a good one, but it's an explanation."

"I'm sure you do. I'd love to hear it-when we're alone." Elizabeth's comment was directed at Blair. "Blair? Would you mind leaving us so we can talk privately?"

Blair looked from Dan to Elizabeth and back to Dan who nodded at her to go. "Sure."

Blair walked into the studio carefully so as not to disturb the lesson that was still ongoing. She grabbed her purse swiftly and kept walking out the door, kept walking down the stairs, kept walking out of the building and onto the street. She allowed herself a brief glance up at the balcony where she spotted Dan and Elizabeth in close proximity to one another, then jogged to the corner to flag a cab. She called Serena on her way home and asked her to meet her at the penthouse. In true best friend fashion, Serena arrived before Blair got home with chocolates and coffees in tow. She waited for her outside the building and when Blair's cab pulled up, she opened the car door and took the fragile girl in her arms. Blair was a mess.

"Thanks for coming over." Blair said between sobs.

"Let's just get you inside. Come on. Just a few steps." Serena guided the distraught Blair into the elevator and up to the penthouse. She didn't ask her to explain anything or talk just yet, she just took her to her room, helped her change clothes, washed her face then curled up with her in the bed. Blair's tears had subsided somewhat but were still very present when she finally opened up about the night's events.

"It wasn't supposed to be anything, mean anything. We were just dancing. I wasn't even supposed to be there. She asked me to go to him, begged me is more like it." Blair's arms were wrapped around her knees which she held close to her chest.

"So you danced with him. Did something else happen? I mean, that doesn't sound so bad, right?" Serena asked.

Blair thought for a minute before responding. "It was more than a dance. We were communicating through movement, or something like that. It sounds cheesy. Anyway, it was really intense and he felt it and I felt it. There's more too. He said some things, really questionable things that made me wonder if maybe he's having some doubts about marrying her."

Serena hugged Blair closer to her and stroked her hair. "Listen Blair, I get that it was awkward when Elizabeth showed up and definitely upsetting when she flung the Gossip Girl thing in your face, but what I don't understand is...why is Dan bothering you so much? You don't still have feelings for him, do you?"

Blair closed her eyes so she could concentrate and gather her thoughts into some kind of logical response. Serena was here for her, to support her. She wouldn't judge her. But the words were difficult to form, even in the confines of her own mind for she had fought against them, hidden them for so long. She breathed deeply through her nose filling her lungs, then she opened her mouth to speak but was assaulted with a fresh set of tears. Her throat was tight and aching, she squeezed her lids to keep the liquid from spilling down her cheeks but with little success. Serena held her close, hugged her tighter and Blair was infinitely grateful for her presence.

With her face pressed into Serena's shoulder, Blair whispered, "I'm in love with him."

After the admission, Blair let herself go. Her shoulders convulsed against Serena's frame as her whimpers rang throughout the residence. Serena stroked her hair and rocked her slight figure back and forth, back and forth. There would be more talking that evening, and more rocking. More comfort and finally rest. Serena stayed with Blair all night, holding her close as a mother might have done. As Eleanor had been known to do from time to time. Blair's facade came crashing down around her; she was exposed, vulnerable. Her secret was out and she felt surprisingly relieved. Serena could now help bear the burden that Blair had been carrying around for quite some time. Blair's secret was not that she was in love with Dan again, but that she had never stopped loving him. Through all the pain, all the heartache her feelings for him had never wavered. She could hardly admit it to herself much less to another person yet as the night wore on, Blair found herself sharing intimate details of her relationship with Chuck, her encounters with Dan, and her forced 'friendship' with Elizabeth. It was wonderful to have Serena by her side again, her sister and dear friend.

It was Eric's idea that they all take a much needed impromptu trip to Paris. With Blair's permission, Serena had shared a little of Blair's situation with him and being the resourceful fellow that he was, he quickly came up with a solution. It was to be just the three of them. They would visit Harold and Roman of course, but this trip was about healing, indulging, and more specifically, all about Blair. She wanted to stay in the swankiest suite they could find and to plan no itinerary whatsoever. She wanted to eat the richest, most succulent foods and to drink from the finest Parisian wineries. She needed to pamper and spoil herself and forget about work for a few days. And forget about Dan. Eric surprised Blair with several very scandalous suggestions for how to do just that, the least of which made her blush, the most outrageous one throwing her into a fit of laughter early one evening as they lounged in their Parisian getaway.

"You think I should hire a female escort?" Blair giggled. "That's absurd Eric. I don't even...I'm not even..." She couldn't finish her sentence for the laughing.

"Hey. You yourself agreed that you need to get out there. I just thought that you might want to find someone who is the exact opposite of him. You know? A beautiful, indiscriminate, sexually unbridled quasi-prostitute is probably about as far away from Dan Humphrey as you can get." Eric smiled through his defense.

"You're probably right about that." Blair was still giggling. "But I can only stretch myself so far, no pun intended."

"Blair! Eww!" Serena walked in on the bawdy conversation. "Eric, we are not getting Blair a hooker! This is Blair Waldorf and she has very high standards."

The three of them continued with the salacious repartee well into the evening, laughing and drinking, annoying the locals, and playing the part of the young American tourists well. They ventured out into the night landing at an upscale jazz club around midnight. Quite honestly, Blair was not that fond of staying out late and drinking to forget her troubles, but she was having a great time with her VDW's. They danced and they flirted and engaged in general debauchery for most of the night, and into the next few nights as well. Blair was living it up, doing her damnedest to forget about the melancholy writer who possessed her heart. It was on their last night in Paris that Blair was feeling particularly bold and brought a young man back to their suite. Serena and Eric were still out so she and Henri had the place to themselves. He was beautiful and intelligent, a perfect specimen with which to attempt her experiment. He was charming and attentive and spoke fluent English, though Blair preferred him to speak to her in his native tongue. They began the evening with casual conversation but it was clear to both of them where this was headed. After the appropriate amount of time had passed, Blair invited Henri into her bedroom. He obliged, kissing her neck and collarbone, telling her how beautiful she was, slowly undressing her and carefully placing her unveiled form on the bed. Blair soon discovered that Henri was quite an experienced lover. Perhaps he wasn't as young as he looked. His hands grazed the skin of her torso and his mouth relished her breasts. He took his time, savoring every last inch of her body. When his hand reached between her legs, she was more than ready for him to pleasure her, but just as his fingers came into contact with her, an image of Dan flashed before her eyes. One might think that this wouldn't be a problem at all given the sensual nature of the moment. In fact, some might even argue that the fantasy might have made the sexual encounter more intense, more pleasurable. But for Blair, who was a hopeless romantic, it was as if a giant red stop sign had replaced Henri's face. She felt violated and trespassed upon all at once, for the hands that touched her were not the right hands. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, she politely asked Henri if they could stop for she wasn't feeling well, which was actually the truth. She started to feel sick, nauseous. Henri was understandably frustrated and confused but he accommodated her, redressed and took his leave without being rude.

Blair spent the rest of her evening retching into the toilet. The combination of too much alcohol and her brief almost sex was doing a number on her stomach. She couldn't escape the feeling that she had almost cheated on Dan, for he did in fact own and occupy her heart, and it was making her hate herself. She recognized how delusional her line of thinking was but she was too weary to fight against it. Serena and Eric returned much later to find Blair curled up on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. As they helped her into bed, Blair was cognizant enough to think to herself that this might be what was referred to as 'rock bottom'.

The plane ride home was quiet. They didn't speak of the events of the night before for there was nothing to say about it that they weren't all already aware of. Blair was miserable. She was in love with a man who loved someone else. She wouldn't, or couldn't move on-at least not right now. These things they knew and understood. Both Serena and Eric hurt for Blair but there was nothing to be done. When she arrived home it was obvious that Dorota had been tipped off by one of her travel companions for she was overly attentive, compensating for Blair's sad state. God bless Dorota for it was just what she needed. She nurtured and mothered her, taking great care not to make her feel as if her behavior was out of the norm. They both knew it was, but Blair wasn't complaining. If anyone knew how much Blair enjoyed being pampered and fawned over it was Dorota.

"Can I get you more herbal tea Miss Blair?" Dorota asked. "I have some linzer cookies in the oven so it won't be much longer for that. Or would you prefer coffee?"

"Tea sounds just perfect, thank you Dorota." Blair responded as she flipped through the mail. She had only been gone for a week, but it seemed she had acquired more mail than she could possibly sift through in one sitting.

"Why didn't you just throw out all of this junk mail, Dorota? I don't want to look through this. God, I hate having to dig through all of these ads to find any actual correspondence." Even amidst the most troubling of times, Blair would always be Blair.

"Sorry Miss Blair. Will do better next time you leave town without so much as a warning or leaving any instructions." Dorota huffed at her.

"Yeah, about that-I'm sorry. I just had to get away. I wasn't really thinking about anyone else at the time." Blair answered sheepishly. "But how is that different from every other day?"

Dorota softened her expression. "Miss Blair, you are too hard on yourself sometimes. Who is the one who has been helping Miss Elizabeth with all of her wedding preparations? It was you. I know it was hard on you because of-well, just because, so I'd say that _you_ are the last person you were thinking about in all of that."

Blair smiled at Dorota and continued to sift through the mail. "Ooh! I've gotten an actual letter! No, it's an invitation, even better. It's from Lily." Blair carefully opened the exquisite stationary and pulled out what she hoped was an invite to one of Lily's exclusive dinner parties. And it was.

The text read 'Mr. and Mrs. Rufus Humphrey cordially invite you to attend a celebration honoring the engagement of Anne Elizabeth Chapman and Daniel Randolph Humphrey'. The invitation went on to say that the party was for the following evening and it was being held at Lily and Rufus' place. Blair started to feel nauseous again so she picked up the phone and dialed Serena.

"Hey Blair! How are you feeling?" Serena was unusually chipper.

"I'm fine. I just got this invitation from Lily. Do you know anything about this? Why is it so last minute? Why didn't you mention it to me in Paris?" Blair charged at the unsuspecting Serena.

Serena paused. "Oh. Well, no, I didn't know about it until I got home today, and no, I don't know why it's so last minute. Why are you attacking me?"

"I'm not-I'm sorry, it just caught me by surprise. It's weird. It's not like your mother to do this. There's something going on." Blair was starting to feel the panic rise.

Serena attempted to calm her down. "I'm sure it's nothing. Don't worry. I guess I'll see you tomorrow night. Call me if you need anything, okay?" Click.

"Okay." Blair was anything but okay.

She arrived at the Humphreys' penthouse right on time and on Eric's arm. He had agreed to go with her so she wouldn't feel so strange walking in by herself. Eric was truly one of the nicest guys she knew. Lily and Rufus greeted them and exchanged pleasantries while Blair's eyes searched the room for Dan. They instead landed on Elizabeth who was headed right for Blair.

The expression on her face was difficult to read as it communicated both affection and disdain at the same time. When she approached, her arms opened wide asking permission to take her into a hug, which Blair granted. It was uncomfortable, to say the least.

"Blair, how are you? How was your trip? Lily told me that you guys went to Paris. How much fun is that? I would love to be able to drop everything on a moment's notice and run off to Paris." Was there an accusing tone in Elizabeth's voice? "It's so romantic! The privileged princess escaping her troubles half way across the globe." Yep. Her voice was laced with sarcasm. It sounded like Elizabeth had wanted Blair to stick around and duke it out. _No thanks._

"Well, sometimes you just have to say to hell with work, and take care of yourself for a bit. We had a wonderful time. Thank you for asking." Awkward silence. "So. How are things coming with the wedding planning? I hope you managed alright without me last week." Blair realized that the wedding prep was really the only topic of conversation that the two women had ever had and ever would have to talk about.

"Oh my gosh! You haven't heard! You were gone so I didn't get a chance to tell you. Let me start from the beginning." She pulled Blair out of the foyer and onto the couch in the family room. Nice and cozy. "It started the day after my audition, you remember that night." Pointed and direct. Blair needed to give her more credit. "I got a call from that director and he offered me the role."

"That's fantastic!" Blair surprised herself by being genuinely happy for Elizabeth.

Elizabeth nodded vigorously. "Yeah, I was ecstatic. Then came the task of telling Dan. I was really nervous about it because I didn't want to hurt him, but he took it all in stride. He wasn't mad or upset. He said if that's what I needed to do, then I should do it. Can you believe it?"

_Yes, but not the part him not being upset. _"That's great. So, you're obviously going to have to postpone the wedding. Have you rescheduled yet?" Blair knew she wasn't being subtle but she was past the point of covering up with this girl.

"That's the most exciting part. I told Dan that I couldn't stand the thought of having to postpone our wedding. I wanted to be with him as soon as possible. So..." Elizabeth paused for dramatic effect. "...my mom and I are throwing it all together this week and we're flying home to Texas this weekend to get married in my home church. Can you believe we're doing this?" She was practically squealing.

_oh._

_OH._

_So this is what despair feels like._

Blair's face fell. She couldn't hide her disappointment from Elizabeth. "It's wonderful. Congratulations."

Elizabeth looked at Blair and her false exterior vanished. Softly and frankly she said, "I would understand if you couldn't make it. I don't think Dan would though."

Blair nodded. "I'll be there." Then she got up without a word to find solace in an empty bedroom. She would not allow herself to cry tonight. She was bigger than this. Bigger than heartbreak.

Sigh.

How had she let herself fall into this trap again? She sat down on the bed and marveled at her stupidity. She had learned a long time ago that love did not bring happiness. It most certainly did not bring fulfillment. So why was she so happy when Dan was around? Why did she feel fulfilled in his presence? Why did her story feel so inextricably tied to his? Perhaps it was destiny after all. Maybe she was destined to love him from afar as punishment for her treatment of him when they first knew one another as teenagers. No, it wasn't destiny. She didn't believe in destiny and she hadn't been all that awful to him anyway. It simply came down to the fact that Dan Humphrey was the best man she knew and she loved him for it. She chose to love him. Even presented with other choices, other men, her heart would always pick him. It was compulsory, inevitable.

The bedroom door creaked open. "A penny for your thoughts?" She could practically hear the smirk in his voice at his joke.

She turned to him. "I think this time I'll keep them to myself if it's all the same to you."

He shrugged and walked over to sit down beside her. "Sure. Ok, whatever. It's just, why are you in here by yourself? You're such a mystery to me sometimes."

Blair turned and looked at him incredulously. "Well that's just not true. Not even a little bit." She tittered. "You know me better than anyone."

"I did. Or I thought I did. I don't know though. You still surprise me so much." Dan looked at her. She looked back and feeling emboldened by his words, she felt the urge to be honest with him.

"You know me. The fact that I surprise and challenge you doesn't mean you don't know me. It means...it means you've forgotten me. You've pushed me into the recesses of your mind and quite frankly I don't blame you for doing it. But if you searched, really sought me out, you'd find that this twisted, dark princess of privilege was always there." Blair looked down at her hands.

"You're not dark and twisty." Dan assured her.

"I am actually, left to my own devices. But you bring out the best in me so you only get to see that side once in awhile. It's there though. It's what compels me to do selfish things I guess. It's what compelled me to choose Chuck all those years ago." Blair was beginning to bare all of it to him but there was no turning back at this point.

"Blair, wait. We don't have to-" Dan was interrupted by Blair.

"No. Let me finish. At least give me that so that I don't have any regrets. Please?" Blair could feel her eyes beginning to fill but she didn't care.

"Do you remember when you told me that Elizabeth was light, that she made you feel lighter?" Dan nodded yes and Blair continued. "Well, I have a theory about that." She took a deep breath before launching into the next part. "Everyone is light at one point or another. We all start out that way, but circumstances and misfortune change us. We lose our light. Those of us within the dark choose to stay close to the earth because we know what awaits us in the clouds. The light in people is only an illusion masking future disappointment and broken dreams. She'll see though, something unexpected will happen, or worse, nothing will happen to her and she'll see. She'll change. She'll reach that threshold at some point and you'll find that she's no different from you and me. Then where will your light have gone? Will you seek it elsewhere? You're still that little moth searching for luminescence, not realizing that the glow will be shut off at the end of the night, and it's not up to you or the light when it happens. There's a more powerful entity controlling the switch. Just ask Serena. It was the same with the two of you. She was the sun and you were drawn to her, but when her light dimmed and you saw who she really was you didn't want her anymore." Blair looked directly into his eyes for she wanted the next words out of her mouth to penetrate. "I am the only one you've truly known and loved regardless of darkness or flaws or imperfections."

Dan held her gaze for several seconds before responding. "Blair. What are you saying? Why are you telling me all of this?"

A single tear flowed down her cheek. "Because I want you to be happy. I want you to be sure that this is right, that you are not choosing her because she's different from me and Serena, or Vanessa for that matter. I know you love her. Please, before you do this, just make sure it's the right love."

Something in Dan shifted at her words. She detected it immediately for he tensed and stood abruptly. "Of course its the right love! I wouldn't have gotten this far with her if I didn't believe that!" Then he stormed out of the room.

After a few minutes, Blair pulled herself together and rejoined the party. It was now in full swing. The apartment was filled with people smiling and laughing and offering congratulations to the happy couple. Blair whispered a quick goodbye to Eric and Serena and took the elevator _(that blasted elevator) _down to the lobby, where she had Vanya call a car service to take her home. Home where Cyrus and Dorota and the rest of her life awaited her. She and Dan were probably over now. Their friendship would be strained at best because she had called into question his feelings for Elizabeth. She had even subtly insinuated that Elizabeth was not the person that Dan thought she was. This was an unforgivable offense for any friendship.

She sleepwalked through the rest of the week. Genevieve, her assistant had to call her on more than one occasion to remind her of meetings she'd missed and deadlines she'd overlooked. Blair didn't really care though. She didn't even care when the president of the board of directors called her demanding she get her act together. She was numb.

She flew to Texas for the wedding just as she had promised Elizabeth she would. She shared a hotel room with Serena and Eric, who were extremely concerned over her lethargy and strange behavior. But, she had to protect herself and this was how it was done. On the day of the wedding, Blair primped and preened, making sure she looked beautiful, but not enough to outshine the bride. At least her sense of decorum was still intact. She could cling to her rules and her etiquette to assist her in getting through this day.

As she sat in the church pew, she reviewed her rules over and over in her head and then again as the moments in the wedding were happening, she would recite the rule that applied. _It is never proper to wear white to a wedding for the bride is supposed to stand out in her white gown_, and stand out she did, she looked stunning. _A lady can admire the groom and the groomsmen from afar, but she must not gawk for that would be distasteful._ This one was harder to follow for though she sat in the back, she could still see how handsome the groom was in his tuxedo. He had gotten a haircut, much to Blair's chagrin, but he looked dashing, like the romantic lead in a movie. _One most certainly should shed a tear at the sight the bride walking down the aisle accompanied by Wagner's triumphant wedding march, but she mustn't make a spectacle of herself. _This was the rule she had the greatest difficulty with for she couldn't control her emotions for some reason and the tears flowed mercilessly. Serena placed her arm around Blair's shoulders. _At the moment when the minister asks if anyone objects, never raise your hand or speak out. This is simply a formality and a tradition. _The minister asked the infamous question and the guests looked around, nervously chortling. Blair looked only at Dan, who returned her gaze. They locked eyes. For a moment, for one blessed moment, Blair thought that perhaps he might be feeling the same as she. His eyes were desperate still and he looked trapped. But the moment passed when he shook his head and his eyes returned to his bride.

Blair couldn't watch anymore. She was a fool for coming. She discreetly excused herself from the pew, pushed open the heavy wooden church doors and breathed in the hot Texas air. Tears would do her no good at all so she forced them back, sitting down on the concrete steps. How had she gotten here?

_Why is everything in my life the way that it is? How did it all line up this way?_

Dan's words echoed in her mind and she knew in that moment that she had chosen wrong. She had chosen Chuck five years ago, despite her love for Dan, and even now that wrong decision was haunting her. She supposed she might deserve her fate given that this was all her fault. If only she had been brave enough. If only she been strong enough. If only she had known then what she knew n-

Blair's thoughts were interrupted by the whooshing sound of the heavy wooden doors opening behind her. Not bothering to look around, Blair relented, "I know I need to get back in there Serena, I just can't though. Give me a minute."

"I don't really have a lot of time and I don't want to go back in." Dan. It was Dan who had burst through the doors. He was standing breathless at the top of the steps and he was smiling down at her. He looked wild, like some liberated creature recently released into its habitat.

"Wha-what are you-" She could hardly speak. "What are you doing out here?"

Dan's teeth raked his lips. "I thought about what you said to me that night we danced, and I made a choice." He swallowed nervously. "I choose you."

If Blair's heart had been pounding moments before, it was positively doing flip-flops now. "You choose me." It wasn't a question.

Dan grinned from ear to ear. "Yeah, I choose you. Let's get out of here."

_TBC_


	6. Chapter Six: Rapture

**Chapter Six: Rapture**

"Seriously? We're doing this?" Not many things shocked Blair Waldorf, but in the span of 10 seconds one Dan Humphrey had managed to do just that.

Dan was busy running his hands through his recently cropped locks. "Well...I mean, we should be pretty good at it by now, you know? Practice makes perfect, and what-not."

Blair laughed through her astonishment. "Leave it to you to make jokes at a time like this." Her heart was hammering at about a mile a minute as her eyes searched his. Wild abandon had overtaken nearly all of his features, but his eyes remained steadfast. He seemed to have his wits about him, but this...this was so unlike him, so out of character.

"Are you certain about this?" She gestured between Dan and the church. "This is sort of huge. You could still go back in there and sort things out with Eliza-"

"Blair! Did you not hear me? I just said that I choose you! What that means, I'm not exactly sure, but what I do know is that we have got to get out of here and we've got to be quick about it. Now get up and get the lead out Waldorf!" Dan's words practically spewed out of his mouth as he grabbed her hands and hoisted her up. "Let's go!"

The force of Dan's pull propelled Blair directly into his chest, bringing her face level with his. A familiar feeling coursed through her veins as her eyes darted back and forth between his mouth and his eyes, _those beautiful eyes._

Dan's furrowed brow suggested his line of thought had veered far from hers. In fact, he looked downright exasperated. "There's no time for that Blair!" He gently took her by the shoulders and guided her down the steps and across the front lawn, checking behind him every few seconds to see if anyone had gotten up the nerve to follow him outside yet. They hadn't. Darting around trees and bushes, he brought them to a stop beside the passenger door of a cherry red jaguar, and then opened it for her.

"Go on. Get in." He was practically shoving her into the seat.

"Humphrey. Why does it feel like you are kidnapping me?" Blair was a bit perturbed at his gruff treatment of her. He merely grumbled something unintelligible and fastened her seat belt before slamming the door, careful not to catch her dress outside of the car. In no time at all he was in the driver's seat beside her, starting the ignition, jerking the car into drive, and zipping them out of the parking lot. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a figure in a long, white dress emerge from the church accompanied by several other people. Guilt threatened to creep into her blissful frenzy but she shook her head and looked over at Dan, not quite ready to face those feelings yet.

He said nothing for the first few minutes of their escape, only stared fixedly at the road, occasionally consulting his GPS. Blair noted that he was sweating and wondered why he hadn't bothered to ditch his coat somewhere along the way, but she said nothing for she was still feeling quite overwhelmed. This entire situation felt very much like her wedding day to Louis all over again only this time their roles were reversed. To call it ironic would be doing the word a disservice as their circumstances far eclipsed irony. Her mind wandered to an adage Dan had once told her, something about a plane crash victim being the safest person to fly with because it was rationally impossible for them to experience the same unlikely event twice. Blair made a mental note to have the plane double checked the next time she flew.

"Where are we going, Dan?"

Dan's nerves seemed to have calmed somewhat, though he was still panting. "I'm not sure yet. Let's just drive for a few more minutes until I can process what I've just done."

Fair enough. Blair felt her phone buzz silently and looked down to see Serena's name pop up on the screen. She sent her a quick text telling her that she was fine, that Dan was fine, and that she would call her soon. Blair wondered if Dan's phone was buzzing as well, and if Elizabeth's name was appearing on his screen. How many people would try to contact them in the next hour? Surely Rufus would be the first to check up on his first born. Would he be appalled at his choice of traveling companion? Probably. Though she had no concrete evidence to back this up, she got the distinct impression that Rufus Humphrey thought that she, Blair Waldorf was the spawn of Satan. She nudged the thought out of the way because as long as they were driving on the open road, no one else mattered. Driving was good. It was the stopping that would bring everything crashing to the forefront. They drove for half an hour before Dan finally pulled over at a gas station to refuel. As soon as he placed the nozzle in the gas tank, Blair hopped out of the car for a little chat. She had been patient with him up until this point but now it was time to get some answers, to at least set a plan in motion.

"Alright Dan. We have got to figure out what we are going to do. I know you needed to get away from the church, but now we have a situation on our hands. I'm sure your phone is flooded with voicemails from concerned family members, friends, and maybe even former fiancé's. You can't just ignore them." As much as Blair enjoyed being right, she hated being the voice of reason in the midst of all this.

Dan stretched his arms high above his head and yawned. "You're right, you're always right. I turned my phone off when we first got in the car and haven't looked at it since. I just need a little time. Time to let this sink in. In order to do that, I need to separate myself from all of them. I need solitude."

"Then why am I here?" Blair scoffed.

Dan lifted his head and looked at her for the first time since he had stolen her away from the church steps. "You're here because I need you. I know how selfish that sounds, trust me, but it doesn't make it any less true." He swallowed.

Blair decided then and there to set her protests aside for twenty-four hours and to allow Dan his window.

"I have a friend who lives about two hours south of here. I'm thinking of calling her and seeing if we can stay with her for a night or two, just until we can get this all sorted out. Does that seem-does that sound okay to you? I know that this is the last thing you expected to be doing when you woke up this morning, but here we are."

"This friend...who is she? And if she's such a good friend, then why wasn't she at your wedding?" Blair's eyebrows were in danger of creeping into her hairline.

Dan grimaced before answering. "She's a professor of mine from grad school, though she's retired now. I was her teaching assistant for two years and we got to be pretty close. She couldn't come to the wedding because she's, well, she's elderly and she's in the early stages of Alzheimer's. She doesn't get out much anymore."

"Dan. We can't barge in on some helpless little old lady." Blair reasoned.

Dan chuckled. "Oh, she's not helpless, believe me. And she's offered before for me to come down and stay with her-says she has a perfect writer's sanctuary." He chewed his lip for a moment. "Yes, I think I'll call her."

Blair waited in the car, while Dan made the call. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the arrangements he was making, but she would abide by her twenty-four hour window. She had only one question burning through her thoughts and realized she wouldn't be able to relax until it was answered. Dan seemed to take an eternity to finish his call, and after that to remove the nozzle from the gas tank. When he finally returned to the car, Blair was antsy, anxious. She dove right in.

"Are you married?" Blair blurted out.

It took Dan a bit by surprise, but he soon softened at her expression. "No. I'm not married." He placed his hand on her cheek and rubbed his thumb lightly over her cheek bone. "Thank you for coming with me."

Blair felt that familiar feeling again, but pushed it aside. Leaning her face into his hand, "You're welcome." Something intangible passed between the two of them in that little red sports car on that blazing August afternoon. Later on, if Blair were asked to describe it, she would always start by recounting the frenzied state the both of them had been in to begin with and how after that moment, they were both much calmer. She would never quite get to describing what it was that had happened though. Dan would simply say that they connected, and that it was nothing more than that, but Blair knew better. She knew that something sacred had transpired. Something that bonded them beyond friendship, beyond even matrimony. Dan knew it as well, but felt strongly that moments like these were not to be taken lightly or even discussed beyond the parties involved. The moment was his and Blair's and no one else need be privy to it.

Dan slowly removed his hand from her cheek and let it rest softly on her shoulder while they both cleared their throats.

"So." Blair.

"So." Dan. "Shall we get going then?"

She nodded in agreement, slightly shaken. Dan's hand remained on her shoulder while he navigated his way onto the road that would lead them to the beginnings of their next chapter. His hand didn't feel possessive or desperate, though it did make a strong and very clear statement. _You're here._

The next two hours were spent in relative silence, each of them processing what was happening, what they were doing. Flat, dry terrain sparsely populated with barbecue joints, fireworks stands, and the occasional armadillo flew before her but she saw none of it, not really. Her thoughts drifted to a time years ago when she had been young, carefree, and so naive. Memories of their time together flooded her consciousness. Their road trip to Connecticut in which she had unknowingly inspired him to complete his first novel. His sabotage of her when they worked at W magazine together, and his sacrifice that helped to save her job. The many, many times he protected her, rescued her, and loved her before she knew he loved her. Their first kiss. Their first real kiss. The first day they made love, over and over. When he asked her if she knew he loved her. She did. She knew. She had known all along and refused to acknowledge his precious gift for what it was.

They drove by pastures and farms, abandoned tractors and bluebonnet patches until they finally reached their destination, a small Texas town fifty miles north of Austin, population 2,161. Struggling to hold her tongue, Blair glanced at her companion and raised an eyebrow.

"What? It's quaint." Dan was quick to say.

"Oh, I'm sure it is. Will we be staying in the barn or will I need to set up in the cornfield over yonder?" Twenty-four hours, twenty-four hours. She had promised to allow him twenty-four hours.

"I don't think that will be necessary but be my guest. You can hitch your tail to the back of a trailer if you'd like." Dan's smile suggested that some things would never change and he wouldn't have it any other way. Being such a small town, they arrived at his former professor's home in no time at all. As the car approached her home, Blair could only gawk at the sweeping three story Victorian Estate at the end of the lengthy driveway.

"I'll be staying here, but again, you can do whatever you please." Dan's mocking was starting to wear on her a bit, but it was nothing she couldn't handle, for the time being. Blair followed Dan up the grandiose stairs which lead to a magnificent wraparound porch and stopped at the intricately detailed front door. "You ready for this?"

She nodded. Dan knocked and after a minute or so, the door opened to reveal an small elderly woman. She was dressed in overalls and a plaid cotton button down shirt accompanied by frazzled white hair swept up into a wide brimmed straw hat. On her hands she wore rings on every finger, some digits sporting two or even three little bands, each of which was distinctly different. Her aged face was covered in dark marks that made it appear as if someone had taken their hands to her in anger. Blair's expression must have registered the shock of seeing her in such a state for the first words out of her mouth were addressed to Blair herself.

"Oh don't you worry about me, this isn't what is looks like. Just a few ink smudges. I still prefer the old fashioned writer's tools." She drawled in her thick southern accent before turning her attention to Dan.

"Daniel."

There was such affection, such warmth in the way she said his name, that it almost made Blair a little envious. "It's so good to see you dear, dear boy." She wrapped her birdlike arms around his much larger frame and squeezed as tight as her ailing body would allow her. He returned her embrace with as much, if not more enthusiasm.

"It's good to see you too." He kept his hands on her shoulders as he introduced the suddenly shy young woman beside him. "This is Blair Waldorf."

Her attention now on the waiting Blair, the woman took in everything about her from the brand of her sunglasses, to the nervous twitch of her hand, to the way she sort of hovered behind Dan. She released Dan and leaned in toward Blair.

"You're a sassy little thing aren't you?" Blair couldn't help but laugh at the comical expression on her face.

"Yes, I suppose I am. And I'm pleased to meet you..."

"That's good. I like a little fire in a girl. Rosemary Mitchell. But you can call me Rose because I won't answer to anything else. Why don't you kids come on inside." She turned around and held the door open for them before Dan had a chance to get it. He reached his arm out to do the job himself, but she swatted his hand away. "Shit, I'm old but I'm not helpless."

Rose gave Dan and Blair a tour of the grounds, stopping here and there to point out a particularly rare type of rose or a 300 year old oak, and once to point out a large group of deer through the trees. Blair was fascinated with the fawns who ambled along on uncertain legs with vast amounts of confidence. They were romanced by her tales of the house's history, marveling at the revolving manifest of owners and various functions of the house over the years. Blair's favorite story centered around a supposed mad man who fell in the well behind the house circa 1908, whose cries Rose swore she could hear every winter when infrequent snowstorms would blow through. When the tour was over, Rose invited them inside to eat for she had already been preparing a hearty meal for them when they arrived. Rose was sharp and quick and Blair instantly liked her, but there was something about the way she looked at Blair, as if she were looking right through her, that made her uneasy. At dinner that night, she confessed this to Dan who surprised Blair by agreeing with her.

"Oh yeah, she's incredibly observant. That's part of what makes her such a great writer, she notices things about people that you and I don't. She knows people, I mean really knows people which allows her to write such poignant commentary on the human condition. It can be a little disconcerting at times, I agree, but you get used to it." Dan resumed eating his hatch chili chicken enchiladas.

Blair continued to examine Rose, who returned the favor. She had the sneaking suspicion that Rose was gearing up for an ambush, or perhaps an inquisition. That suspicion was confirmed when Dan excused himself to go to the restroom after dinner. Blair did the polite thing and offered to help Rose clean the dishes, albeit begrudgingly, but Rose declined.

"Nah, dishes can wait. Why don't we wait for Dan out on the porch. It's a nice night, warm breeze and all." It wasn't a request, Blair noted, so she slowly rose from her chair and followed the older woman outside. The only available seating was a rickety porch swing for two and as Rose was insistently patting the spot next to her, Blair obliged. Rose was quite small and her feet barely brushed the ground once seated.

"Could you give us a shove honey, I would but I am afraid my lack of legginess would do us no favors whatsoever."

Blair giggled. "I think this might be the first time I have ever had this advantage, porch swings and top shelves alike."

"We shorties have got to stick together. Can't let those leggy giants have all the fun, now can we?" Rose placed her arm on the back of the swing behind Blair insinuating a chumminess that she wasn't quite sure existed yet. There was a reason they were sitting out here alone together and Blair wasn't sure what Rose had in mind.

"Seems you two have had a heck of a day." Here it was.

"Yes ma'am." Blair thought it best to play the dutiful innocent until she had a better understanding of Rose's intentions. "It's been...interesting to say the least. How much did Dan tell you?"

Rose fiddled with her, what...dentures? The inside of her lip? She looked a little like Dan did when he was concentrating. Had he picked up this habit from her, and if so, how close were Rose and Dan really?

"Oh, he told me the basic story. I was tempted to try to get to that wedding today, but my friend backed out on me. She was gonna drive me, you see. Boy was I sorely disappointed when I realized I couldn't go-I love that boy. He's like my own, only smarter and better looking."

Blair started to shift uncomfortably.

"Needless to say, I was quite taken aback when I got that phone call from him earlier today. It's not every day you run across a runaway groom." Rose chuckled.

"No ma'am." This was definitely aimed at Blair.

Rose's gaze remained fixed on some unknown point some distance away from the house, far into the field beyond. "I need you to know something little girl."

Blair placed her hands underneath her thighs, afraid Rose would see her sweaty palms, not wanting to give the woman the impression that she had anything to hide. Not wanting to give away who she really was, what she had done to Dan.

"Dan Humphrey is the most romantic fool of a boy I have ever come across. I swear he was some kind of tree in a past life because that boy's brain is filled to the brim with sap. Damn near ruined every last bit of his writing. I had to train and retrain that kid to separate himself from his characters, but he never quite grasped the concept of unbiased observation." Rose finally broke her trance and looked directly at Blair. "Of course, you had a little to do with his problem, but you know that."

_What?_

Blair's mind reeled at the revelation that this tiny little woman had any kind of knowledge of Dan's history with her. Her mouth hung agape for a moment as the gears whirred and Blair put the pieces together. _He would have started grad school four years ago, which means, he studied with Rose as recently as two years ago. But at that point, he wouldn't have anything to do with me, and I him. Maybe he's shown her some of his older pieces. That's got to be it._

"Oh. Have you read Inside then?" This was the answer of course. Naturally Dan would have shown his mentor his greatest literary accomplishment to date.

"Ah, yes, the tell all piece. I read it. But that's not what I'm referring to. You see, Dan spent two years writing about, well...you."

_No. It's not possible. _Blair's shock must have been evident, or perhaps Rose was using her magical powers of observation, but either way she knew. Rose brought her arm down and encircled Blair's shoulders as best she could with her limited reach and gave her a little squeeze.

"That's a good reaction. I figured you didn't know about it. But if you had, I was in the mind to give you a stern talking to, you can bet on that." Rose hugged her tighter forcing Blair's face to be within inches of her own. "Now hear me honey, I like you. I like you a lot in fact. I can see why Daniel is so taken with you. You've got spunk and intelligence and you're pretty easy on the eyes. But that boy is and has always been head over heels for you and you just about broke him. I know you're a good person with a good heart, in fact I feel as if I know you about as well as he does. Hell, I read about you for two years straight. You're a special girl," Then, with the most saccharinely sincere smile, "but if you fuck him over again, there's gonna be hell to pay my dear. Now, I'm gonna go inside and leave you two kids to it. I put some clean pajamas out for the both of you. There are towels in the linen closet by the guest room I've set up. Now don't protest honey, I'm not making up two beds just so you can pretend to sleep alone and then sneak over to the other's room. I'm not blind, you two are about as hot for each other as two Mississippi whores in church. Now, goodnight dear." And with that little pearl, Rose shuffled inside, patting Dan on the back as he headed out to sit with Blair.

"Hey. What were you two talking about out here? She didn't try to get you to read one of her essays on Mark Twain, did she? I promise you, she really admires him, but that woman thinks she could outwit old Samuel Clemens any day of the week." Dan casually leaned against a post and smiled at Blair.

Blair's brain was working judiciously as it attempted to process everything Rose had just unloaded on her. _Dan loved me then, he loved me even then. All this time he's cared for me. And did she say fuck? What did she say...that she would fuck me over? Why is Dan talking about Mark Twain? I'm reeling here and he wants to discuss fucking Huckleberry Finn? Why am I cursing so much? In my head at that!_

She hadn't noticed that Dan sat beside her on the swing. She hadn't noticed that he was hesitant when he did it, visibly shy. She certainly hadn't noticed when his hand reached for hers and he laced his fingers within her own. If she had paid just a little attention to what Dan was doing instead of focusing all of her efforts on sorting through the ramblings in her mind, she probably wouldn't have done what she did next. She wouldn't have jerked her hand away from his or jumped up out of the porch swing dumping Dan onto the wooden boards and confusing the poor guy to no end.

"Blair! What is going on? Did Rose say something to you? Why are you acting weird?" Dan scrambled up off of the floor and cautiously approached Blair.

"I just, I just need a minute." She turned out to face the open fields, a breeze tickling her lashes. She closed her eyes and inhaled several times. The air was scented with honeysuckle and..and soap? Blair opened her eyes and discovered Dan in very close proximity, right beside her. She could have reached around his back and touched the other side of the railing easily.

"I just got off the phone with Elizabeth."

Snap. That did the trick.

"Oh. Oh Dan, what happened?" Blair tried to push Rose's revelation out of her mind so that she could focus on Dan.

He turned his body in to face Blair and ran his left hand through his curls with a heaving sigh. "It was not pleasant. There were a lot of tears, there was an extensive amount of yelling, and I'm pretty sure she's got a bounty out on my head. Yours too."

Blair cringed. "She knows about me?"

"She knows about you. Apparently she saw us getting into the jag just as we were leaving. Anyhow, it's better that she knows I suppose. At least she won't be left wondering." He sighed again and leaned over the railing to put his head in his hands. "I feel like such a jackass, Blair."

This would not do. Blair tenderly placed her hand on his back. "You're not a jackass. You're just confused. Believe me, you and I both know how damaging marrying the wrong person can be. You saw what it did to Louis. You did the right thing. You were unsure and you took a step back before it was too late."

Dan stood abruptly, practically exploded. "But that's just it, Blair. I'm not confused. I wasn't confused at all. I've known the whole ti-I've known, okay? And I convinced myself that it was right, it was best. That she was right and that we were going to live happily ever after and have 3 kids and grow old together-but she was never right, because she wasn't you."

He had her by the shoulders now. "I'm sorry, I know this is a lot to take in. I just need to say it out loud though. I need you to know what you mean to me." He looked into her eyes, which were glistening with unspoken emotion. "It's always been you. Forgive me for rushing in-"

No more words.

Blair leaned in and brushed her lips against Dan's for the second time in recent months. Her breath quivered and her hands shook but she pressed her mouth gingerly against his and held it there, breathing in his air. He responded by kissing her back, ever so softly sipping on her lip. This was too much for Blair. Her eyelids fluttered and she emitted a sound not unlike the low growl of a bobcat.

"Dan."

Whatever hesitation he had felt moments prior was swiftly flicked away as a buzzing fly might be. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist and he lifted her body up enabling him to kiss her properly. Had this been any other man, Blair would have responded by placing her hands on his neck, but as it was, Blair could hardly lift her arms. They hung limply at her sides as Dan sucked on her lips, trading the top for the bottom, wanting to make sure they were treated fairly. Over and over he kissed her, heart racing, hands gripping. It was the most exquisite feeling for it felt familiar and brand new at the same time. She felt delirious, high. She lost nearly all control of her muscles. As Blair's head fell back she gasped, for Dan's clever mouth had moved to her neck, placing urgent kisses all over her throat, eliciting several whimpers from her. He began to move quickly, desperately running his hands over her back, then her waist.

"Oh Dan, I've missed you. I've missed you so much."

She gathered herself enough to recognize that there were tears running down her cheeks, but she didn't stop. Couldn't stop. They had lit a fuse and there was no squelching the chain reaction. Dan reached down and lifted Blair up so that she was sitting on the porch railing.

"Blair." Dan paused. "This is happening so-I need to know-Blair," her teeth raked across his earlobe, as she leaned down and whispered into his ear.

"Yes, Dan. What do you need to know that I'm not already showing you?"

He was losing control, she could tell, and it was so tempting to just let herself go too, but a little voice told her to stop, if only for a minute, and to grant his request.

She stilled his head with her hands and asked him again, more sincerely this time, "What do you need to know?"

He froze. Closed his eyes. Took a breath. "I know you've missed me, but I need to know why. Why have you missed me?" Then, almost defeated, "I need to know if you-" He couldn't get it out. His shoulders started to slump and his hands relaxed their grip and she died a little bit at the sight. Her Humphrey didn't know, wasn't aware. He was completely in the dark about her feelings and understandably so. She had kept them so close to her, so guarded that even he could not see the depth of her devotion.

She lifted his face, gripping it securely on both sides and looked him square in the eyes.

"I love you. I love you." With a soft kiss to the tip of his nose, "I have loved you forever, before I knew you, I loved you. You're the one, Dan. Forgive me for waiting so long to tell you. I could rattle off a million different excuses, but none would suffice. None would make up for my silence. But I won't be silent anymore. I love you, Daniel Randolph Humphrey."

His shoulders lifted, his hands gripped tighter, and his face reflected such joy that Blair had a difficult time looking at him. He was positively blazing. He removed his hands from under her skirt and helped her to hop down from the bannister. They didn't speak, for the moment was sacred and needed nothing more than the gentle intwining of fingers and the silent promise to each other whispered on the wind. The urgency of the previous moment was replaced with a slow, steady burn. Dan led Blair inside the house and shut the door quietly behind her. He followed her upstairs to the bedroom and shut another door quietly behind them. She waited for him by the bed, here eyes never leaving his. He drew near to her with such reverence that she thought she might cry again. One by one, they removed each other's clothes until both of their bodies were pressed together, skin on skin. They made love that night to the sounds of crickets chirping and flagpoles flapping, but the sounds didn't reach their ears, so in tune with one another were they.

When Blair awoke around three in the morning, Dan's form was draped across hers. Normally, she wasn't a very touchy sleeper and wanted her own space, but not tonight. Not with him. She nestled closer to him, pulling the sleepy figure out of his slumber for a moment, but soon they were both asleep. They were both content in the knowledge that they had finally struck a balance. Finally.

_TBC_


	7. Chapter Seven: Refuge

**A/N: Thank you to all of my readers for your patience. I'm currently in the middle of a major life change and it is consuming around 90% of my time so I've had very little time for writing, unfortunately. I'm so honored to know you are invested in this story and that you keep coming back to it. **

**Chapter Seven: Refuge**

"Blair."

A singsongy voice beckoned her in her dreams, coaxing her into that state of limbo halfway between slumber and consciousness. It was a dream, of course, an echo of a morning long since passed when he had been hers.

"Blaa-air."

The voice was more insistent this time and accompanied by a feather light touch to her knee. It traveled up her leg to the crest of her hip bone and lingered while another feather tickled at her earlobe. She reached her hand up to swat at the object that was interrupting her sleep but was surprised when it hit something much larger and denser than a feather. Her pillow must have repositioned itself sometime over the course of the night. She let her hand rest on the offending pillow before drifting back into her dream.

But the pillow was daring and it started to tickle her earlobe. The feather at her hip exerted an unlikely amount of force and reached, pulling her form closer to the center of the bed and the warm body waiting there.

"Good morning Blair." Dan's velvety bass crooned in her ear.

Memories from last night came flooding back and Blair couldn't keep the grin from spreading across her face.

"Good Morning." She was fully awake now and fully aware of him. She could feel his stubble hovering close to her cheek. His curls tickled her forehead and his eyelashes fluttered against her own. Dan was in bed with her, holding her, flirting with her. Dan Humphrey. Her Dan.

He sweetly kissed her lips and asked her if she minded. She didn't. His hands weaved through her hair and he pulled her in, taking her breath away, so wanting was his kiss. It moved her, the power of it, and almost hurt because it was so satisfying. Her hands drifted down his chest and around his waist and pulled his hips into hers so that their legs were a tangled braid, sloppy and slightly uncomfortable.

"You need a shower, Humphrey. And a shave."

His chuckle against her ear sent shivers down her spine.

"So do you. Your legs feel like a cactus."

Her movement was so quick that Dan almost didn't know what was happening when the pillow came crashing into his face. She was on top of him now, beating him over and over with her feather down weapon, punishing him for his insolence. He curled up into a fetal position and let her continue her assault, laughing all the while.

"Humphrey." womp. "You," whack. "had better," smack. "be nice."

His laughter was beyond his control now. She was all over him and had abandoned the pillow in favor of using her fingertips. If Blair remembered correctly, Dan was pretty ticklish and she was willing to go to extreme measures in order to make her point known.

"Stop. Please, can't breathe." He spurted between cackles. "Seriou-stop it. Stop it! I-Blair! I can't-"

"Are you sorry about what you just said to me?" She paused only for a moment but kept her hands holding firm in certain precarious places so she could resume if she didn't get the answer she wanted.

"Yes. Yes! I'm sorry!" Dan shouted. This seemed to satisfy her somewhat and she relaxed her grip. He spoke again. "I'm sorry your legs feel like they have pine needles sticking out of them!"

Still straddling him, her head snapped in his direction and her eyes narrowed while her hands reached out to attack. He was the one who caught her off guard this time. He shot up, wrapping his arms around her and pinning her own arms to her sides, while flipping them over all in one swift movement. He then kissed her full on the mouth, cutting off her protests. It didn't take long for her to melt into his embrace, all thoughts of righteous indignation flying out the window as her legs wrapped around his lean form.

"Mmmm, I could get used to this." Blair muttered into his mouth while her hands roamed all over his backside.

"Yeah?" He teased her with light kisses behind her ear, down her neck. "Me too."

"But Dan?" She said.

"Yeah?"

"You still need a shower."

He paused to look up at her, annoyed. "Really?"

"Mm-hmm. Really." She smirked the smirkiest of smirks. "I need one too but I hear Texas is right in the middle of a drought. I would hate to be wasteful and use more water than is necessary. Would you mind if I joined you? You know, for the sake of the environment?"

That morning Dan had the best shower he had ever taken in the whole of his existence.

They had no plans for the day and considering everything that had happened just twenty-four hours prior, Blair was more than happy to indulge in a lazy morning. Rose had been busy in the kitchen since around 9:00, the scent of bacon wafting up the stairs, tempting and torturing the pair of them. When she finally called them downstairs for a "light brunch", it took them about ten seconds to make it from their bedroom to the kitchen table. They were greeted with a most magnificent spread of breakfast foods and Blair was fairly certain that she had begun to drool. There were bowls of fresh fruit, piles of pancakes, a plate full of bacon, biscuits, eggs, and several assorted pastries that had to have come from a bakery. She gave them a choice of fresh squeezed orange or grapefruit juice, poured them all steaming cups of coffee, and offered up five different flavors of jam. There was so much food that it was almost overwhelming but neither Blair nor Dan complained for neither of them had eaten much at dinner and they had burned through more calories than normal since then. As she took it all in, Blair was reminded of the brunches she had shared with Dan and the Humphreys years ago.

"What are you smiling about?" Dan popped a grape into his mouth, amused by the little brunette.

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking about all those times I used to let you cook breakfast for me."

"Pfft. Let me cook for you? More like begged me to cook for you. I mean, had you ever even touched a skillet before you met me?"

"Now kids, mustn't argue at the table. It's bad luck. I think you two could probably use all the luck you can get right now. Am I right?" Rose interjected while carrying in a tray full of biscuits. "So, you two sleep alright last night?"

Blair looked sheepishly at her shoes. "Oh yes. Absolutely. Your bed is very comfortable."

Rose walked around the table serving pineapple and melon, all the while keeping her eyes on the food. "That's good. I was worried you wouldn't have gotten any sleep, what with all the commotion."

Dan's head snapped up. "Commotion?"

"Yeah, awful racket. I kept thinking that somebody had broken into my house and was rummaging around upstairs, but then I remembered that I have an alarm so that couldn't have been it." Rose had moved from the fruit to the scrambled eggs. "Seems I have a couple of ghosts who've taken up in my house. It's the only thing that could have made the kind of noises I was hearing. All that wailin' and moanin'."

Blair felt the heat rise up her neck and onto her face. Dan's cheeks were scarlet.

He cleared his throat. "Nope, we didn't hear anything. It must've been coming from outside."

"Mmm, must've." Their plates were nearly full now. "I'll let you serve the rest of it yourselves."

Rose sat down with just a hint of a knowing smile and proceeded to clean her plate in under ten minutes, chattering on about a bluejay she had spotted out the window this morning. Dan and Blair sat in awkward silence for most of the meal, politely nodding their heads. As soon as they had finished cleaning up, Dan excused himself to email his Dad with details about where they were staying and to let him know that everything was fine. Blair was going to follow him, but she noticed Rose sipping coffee out on the porch by herself. Blair poured herself a cup and joined her outside.

"I love him, you know."

"Yeah, I figured as much."

"No, I mean I've loved him for years. This isn't some fling for me."

Rose simply nodded and continued to sip her coffee.

"I know we made a mess of things, but I need you to know that yesterday was the first day I felt like I could breathe, like I could take an actual deep breath in a very long time. We're both going to have to deal with the repercussions of what happened, but what we did was right. I would hate for you to doubt that. Your opinion means a great deal to Dan."

Rose set her coffee down and gave a warm smile to Blair. "Oh honey, I'm not judging you. When you love someone, you love 'em. That's all there is to that. What I can't understand is why you kids took so long to come to the right conclusion. Why'd you waste all that time when you could've been together, and happy?"

Blair considered her question for a moment. "I'm not sure. I suppose it was pride, or maybe a sense of obligation to other people. I don't know. Regardless, you're right. I should've told him how I felt years ago. It would have saved us both a lot of heartache."

"Well, you're here now, and I can imagine that neither of you will be taking that for granted. Take it from someone who knows about these sorts of things." Rose's gaze traveled wistfully out to the field beyond the house. "I lost someone very precious to me some years ago, and there isn't a day I don't look back with regret at the time we could have been spending together, but weren't. We had a rather large obstacle standing in our way, or so she thought. It's not easy being a woman in love with another woman in this part of the country. I tried to get her to move up to New York with me while I was teaching, but she couldn't leave her home, couldn't be away from her kids, then her grandkids. I don't blame her for that. Family is family."

Blair listened intently to Rose's story. She continued to weave a tale of forbidden love denied for decades, and once finally realized was cut too short. Her name was Evelyn and time had been cruel to her and Rose. Breast cancer claimed her, ten years ago. Though their stories were different, it was sounding all too familiar to Blair, the difference being she and Dan had never had any obstacles as concrete as familial obligation or gender prejudices. She had only self-imposed obligations to a man who didn't have her heart, not really.

Blair and Dan spent the afternoon downtown sifting through antique shops and buying clothes and other essentials as neither of them had managed to get away with their luggage. Rufus was taking care of Dan's things and Blair had texted Serena yesterday asking her to take care of her bags before turning off her phone at Dan's request. After stocking up, they explored the town's "little gems" as Rose referred to them, stopping to take photos every now and then of an abandoned church or an aged swinging bridge, but mostly enjoying being in each other's company. They happened upon a large stream on the outskirts of town that had been partially damned up creating a waterfall effect. They climbed out on the damn, took their shoes off, and dangled their feet in the cool water, letting it rush over their ankles and splash up their legs and onto their clothes. Blair leaned back a bit to take in a little sun while Dan reached into the water, fingering several stones before finally pulling one out and placing it in his pocket.

"What are you doing with that rock?"

"I don't want to tell you." Dan squinted at Blair in the afternoon sun.

"And why is that?"

"You'll make fun of me."

"I will not!"

"You will. Trust me."

"Fine. Don't tell me. I don't care anyway." Blair huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

Dan rolled his eyes at her indignation. "Yes, you do. And you'll badger me until I eventually relent and tell you about it so I might as well tell you now and save myself the trouble."

Blair glared at Dan, but her eyes were smiling. "Fine, if you're so desperate to spill, go ahead and tell me. I might get bored though as I don't care at all."

"Are you going to let me explain or are you going to keep yammering at me?"

Blair swatted at Dan's arm, but he was quicker than her and her caught her wrist easily. Taking her left hand in both of his, he ran his thumb over her ring finger.

"I have a rock collection."

"Excuse me, what? You have a-"

"Do you want to hear this or not?"

Blair smiled and gave Dan the universal sign for 'my lips are sealed', zipping them shut. "Sorry. Continue."

"Anyway, it's not just a random collection of rocks. Each stone has a meaning attached to it, or rather, a memory. Some of them are ugly and insignificant looking because I didn't have a large selection to choose from at the time, but some of them really pretty."

"A pretty rock? Flowers are pretty, but rocks? I mean, really Dan-"

"Blair."

"Sorry. Continue."

"I have one for this trip my family took to the grand canyon when we were kids. It was one of my favorite things we ever did as a family. Everybody was so happy then. I have one for my first published story, it was in my school paper. I have one for the day I graduated from St. Jude's and the day I graduated from NYU. One for Inside, and I have one for you."

Blair brows pinched together. "For me? Why?"

"Well...it was the day I realized I loved you. You weren't even there when it happened. It was that summer I spent in the Hamptons before junior year. You were off in Monaco and I was married to my Netflix queue, and it just hit me one night, right in the middle of _The African Queen_."

"Good movie." Blair's eyes were twinkling.

"Yeah, it is."

"So what's the rock in your pocket for if you already have one for me?"

Dan chortled. "Well, it's a funny story, actually. I was at the church a bit early yesterday morning because I wanted to have plenty of time to relax and calm down before the ceremony. Anyway, I was walking in the courtyard beside the chapel and I realized that I needed a rock. It was my wedding day, I had to have a rock. So I scanned the ground for the perfect complimentary piece to the occasion, but I couldn't seem to find the right one. There were plenty to choose from, but none of them were special, none of them stood out to me. My dad found me and apparently I was a bit of a mess because he looked concerned. He asked me if everything was okay, I told him yes, but I couldn't find the right rock. He tried to help me, but the more we looked, the more agitated I got. He made me go inside and cool off and then he said something to me that changed everything. I'll never forget it. I was staring at some old biblical illustration on the wall of baby Moses in a basket or something and my dad leaned over to me and said, 'Everything's going to be just fine, son. You've found your Lily.' Then he patted my back and walked away. I had found my Lily. My soulmate. Somebody I'd move mountains for, cross deserts for, someone I'd wait twenty years for. I mean, he was right, of course. Only my Lily wasn't waiting for me in a white dress that morning. She was sitting in the back of the church, sad eyed and impeccably dressed, and she had no idea I was thinking of her right before I stood up to take my vows."

Blair's eyes had closed at some point during the story. Her throat was tight and tears threatened to spill, but she spoke. "I don't think that story is funny at all." She leaned in, she couldn't help herself, and tenderly kissed him on the cheek. His arm wrapped around her and they sat quietly like that for some time. Finally, Dan spoke again.

"This one is for the day I realized you were it for me." He pulled it out of his pocket and placed it in her palm.

"It's beautiful."

Dan nodded his head. "You can have it if you want."

"No, that one's yours. I'll just have to find one for me!" She hopped off of the ledge right into the water, soaking herself and her clothes from the thighs down.

"Blair! You're crazy, what are you doing?" Dan shouted at her.

"Well, what are the odds of finding two perfect rocks right next to one another? I need to find the right one!" She traipsed and splashed through the water, nearly tripping several times until she she found one she was satisfied with. She flung it up in the air for him to see, but it was with such force that she lost her balance and toppled over backwards into the water.

"Blair!" Dan jumped off the ledge and ambled into the water himself. By the time he reached her they were both laughing so hard that neither of them could catch a breath much less speak. Dan sat down beside her, soaking himself from head to toe. Blair lifted up her rock to show him that she had held onto it.

"Here it is, sir. The reason you and I look like two drowned rats. The perfect rock. It's quite lovely don't you think?" She could hardly get the words out before bursting into another fit of laughter.

"Why yes, m'lady, it is very lovely. Lovely enough to adorn your hand, methinks. Give it here." She handed him the rock between snickers and he placed it over her ring finger. "Yes, it's prettier than any gem. How about it?"

With the most serious face she could manage, "With this rock, I thee wed." Then an outburst at the absurdity of it all.

Dan's face relaxed and his breathing slowed a bit, though the sloppy grin remained in place. "With this rock, I thee wed."

The mood shifted instantaneously. All laughter ceased. All joking was set aside. They both looked down at their hands for the gravity of the moment was weighing heavily on them both.

Keeping her eyes on her rock, Blair quietly murmured, "I would, you know...marry you, that is."

"You would?"

"Yeah, I would. In a heartbeat." She lifted her head, meeting his eyes. "Have I said too much? Did I ruin it? I'm always ruining things."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her so thoroughly that she almost lost her balance. But he caught her. He was always catching her it seemed.

Breathless and wild, he pulled away and rested his forehead on hers. "Why don't we? Get married?"

"Dan. You're not serious. You almost married another woman yesterday. One day ago. How can you possibly be thinking about marriage right now?"

"I told you, you're it for me. You always have been. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Why shouldn't it start today?"

"You mean, you want to get married today? Here? You're nuts! You want to elope?" Blair was incredulous.

"Yeah, all of that. Why not? Unless...unless you're not ready. Oh. I sort of forgot to ask you if you would even consider it."

His face started to fall. Blair had promised herself that she would never make his face do that again. She knew she loved him, that she wanted to be with him. She thought about the past five months, how she had pined for him and pushed it away but could never manage to shake it. She thought about Rose and Evelyn, how they were never truly able to be together. She thought about how lucky she was to suddenly have Dan in her life again loving her back.

"Do you love me Dan?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Yes."

"I love you, Blair, unconditionally and always."

Her forehead crinkled as she chewed her bottom lip, trying to prevent her joy from showing too much.

"Then, yes. Let's get married."

Dan hooted and threw handfuls of water into the air before standing up and taking Blair with him. He lifted her into the air and spun them around as best he could on the rocky terrain. As he lowered her, Blair couldn't help but think that it was just like a movie.

They trudged out of the stream and ran back to Rose's as quickly as they could with their sopping wet attire. They burst through the front door and shouted the news at her. She was surprised to say the least, but was easily caught up in the excitement and the romance of it all. Blair and Dan showered (separately this time) and got ready while Rose got on the phone with a retired minister who lived a few streets over. They all hurried as much as they could for they wanted to do it outside in Rose's garden before the sun went down. Blair chose a pale yellow cotton sundress she had purchased that afternoon and Dan wore a white linen button down with khaki trousers. Their choices had been limited as the stores in town hadn't carried clothes to suit Blair's exquisite taste, but she was pleased when she looked in the mirror.

She hurried downstairs to help Rose and Dan outside and found the two of them lounging on the back patio.

"What are you doing? He's going to be here any minute! We need to make an altar or something, or I don't know, somewhere for us to stand."

Rose just chuckled at her. "Cool your jets, dear. It's all going to work out. Just look around you."

"I know, it's beautiful. It's just that I want it to be perfect."

"It is." Dan got up, took her hand and pulled her over to where they were sitting. "You're here. I'm here. We're getting married. What could possibly make that any more perfect?"

Dan had always had the ability to help her see the big picture. She was a type A perfectionist and tended to panic when details went awry. But not Dan. He could calm her down with a word or a touch. God, how she had missed that in her life.

Blair took a calming breath. "You're right." Then looking at Rose, "So, how did you get this guy to agree to come over and do this at the last minute? He doesn't even know us."

"Well honey, there are certain times in life when you have to tap into your persuasiveness and your craftiness in order to get what you want. I told him he owed me a favor and I'm collecting. He said, what favor? You see, he and his wife are about as fundamentalist as they come. They don't drink, they don't swear, they don't dance, and they certainly don't gamble. I might have mentioned that I'd seen him once or twice on one of my trips to the casinos in Shreveport in the last year. Then I suggested how awful it would be for him if sweet little wifey were to find out." Rose beamed.

"Rose! You blackmailed him into marrying us?" Dan's hands flew to his face.

"Now don't get all off kilter, and pull your knickers out of your ass. I didn't blackmail him. I simply encouraged him to stop what he was doing, which was a whole lot of nothing, and hightail it over to my house for a fifteen minute quickie. Not a quickie, you know in **that** sense. Shit, I'm not interested in that, but a quickie ceremony."

Blair's laughter soared through the garden as the doorbell rang. Rose asked Dan if he would be so kind as to help an old woman out by getting the door and letting the minister in. As he got up, Blair sat down next to Rose and took her frail hand into her own.

"I will be forever grateful to you for this. For tonight, for yesterday, for your understanding and your guidance. I know I just met you, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. You told me that you thought I must be pretty special, but I'm not nearly as special as you are. You're an angel." She gently hugged her and added, "With a foul mouth."

A sound from inside the house interrupted the moment. Their were two voices, one loud and angry, the other soft and timid. The shouting grew louder as the source of it got closer to the garden. Blair could make out words now.

"Where is she? I want to see her. I want her to face me and stop being a coward!"

"Come back here and talk to me, please." Dan's voice. It was pleading with the shouter.

"No. I've heard enough from you. It's her I want to see! Where is the little bitch?!"

Blair could feel the bile start to rise in her throat as the beads of sweat began to form on her palms. Her pulse quickened, her breathing became shallow and she started to panic.

_No, no, no, no. Not right now. I'm not ready to deal with this._

Blair looked over at Rose who was utterly confused. "I don't think that was the minister."

She closed her eyes and swallowed as the patio doors flew open revealing the identity of the person with the loud, angry voice.

"There you are. I have few things to say to you, Blair." She said her name as if it were a curse word.

Blair opened her eyes and spoke to the intruder. "Elizabeth."

_TBC_


	8. Chapter Eight: Repercussions

**Chapter Eight: Repercussions**

It had been a beautiful evening, in retrospect.

Few people appreciate the beauty of a warm Texas night, but Rose had always savored them. She would lounge on her porch, swing creaking as the cicadas unchanging song drifted from the trees and disappeared into the black night. Her eyes would close and she'd inhale the saccharine scent of the honeysuckle creeping along the fences and posts, and she would sigh as a warm breeze ruffled the wisps of her hair, content in her surroundings, if a bit melancholy in her remembrances.

That evening had been one of the more pleasant of the summer according to Rose's standards, but no one noticed. In fact, it seemed as if the world around them stilled, unmoving in the anticipation of what was to come. The cicadas no longer buzzed and the wind ceased to carry the sweet aromas around to the back of the house, or at least it seemed that way. All senses were focused on the girl who was standing in the frame of Rose's sliding glass door, looking somewhat disheveled. Her brown locks were thrown haphazardly into a messy bun, still curled from the day before when they had been styled into elegant waves cascading down her back. She wore no makeup, or perhaps it had been cried off, and her simple jeans and t-shirt implied that her appearance meant very little to her at the moment. The only real point of interest came from her eyes. Shiny and angry and filled with the nervous excitement that accompanies confrontation, they bore into Blair, silently cursing her.

For a brief moment, nothing happened. The four parties involved simply stared at one another, not really accepting the situation at hand. Rose and Blair looked uncomprehendingly at Elizabeth, while Elizabeth and Dan's eyes were fixed on Blair. No one moved. And then someone did.

In two large steps, Elizabeth made it close enough to Blair to touch her. Her arm swung out, her eyes almost disbelieving that she was actually going to go through with it. Blair watched it all in slow motion yet she was still unprepared for the loud crack as Elizabeth's palm slapped her face hard enough to knock her over.

The sound roused everyone from their trance and Dan lunged for Elizabeth's arms, grabbing and holding firm to her wrists. The force of the slap had indeed knocked Blair sideways and she had to brace herself against the splintered wood bench. Rose cried out, shocked and upset.

Elizabeth reared back, stunned by her actions. "I didn't mean to do that. I-I'm sorry. It's just, what the hell, Blair?!"

With wild eyes Blair's head whipped around. The very idea that this woman who had just attacked her was accusing her not two seconds later was utterly preposterous. She stood briskly and raised a pointed finger to Elizabeth's face. The bitch in Blair would not lie dormant tonight.

Dan intervened before Blair could respond. "Look Elizabeth, I think you might need to take a step back and calm down."

"Don't you tell me to calm down, _Dan. _You don't get to tell me to do anything. I'm not going to calm down just so you can feel a little less uncomfortable. I'm here to say something and you are going to hear it. You both owe me that." It was something about the way her voice trembled breathless, or perhaps it was the way her eyes shifted back and forth between them as if she were unsure of herself, unsteady, but Blair's fight began to wane ever so slightly as she tenderly rubbed her rosy cheek.

"She's right. Let's hear her out, Dan. She deserves that much."

His hands released her wrists and he took a step back giving Elizabeth the floor. It was strange seeing her this way, vulnerable and self conscious, desperate for the spotlight but not sure what to do with it. It was an actor's nightmare for no matter how many times she had rehearsed her speech in the car on the way down, it was evident that words were failing her at the moment she finally had an audience to hear them. It took no longer than ten seconds for all of her courage to dissipate. She had used it all up in her first five minutes and now had none to spare. Head and heart cast down, she began to cry.

"I don't even know why I came here."

Blair watched the despondent girl quietly weep, all dignity thrown out along with her speech, and she began to feel something that had been pestering at the edges of her from the moment she and Dan had escaped. She recognized it in the car yesterday and had pushed it down, willed it into hiding so that she could enjoy their adventure unhindered by responsibility. It was an emotion she was all too familiar with, though it had been some time since she had felt it in such potency. Chuck had elicited innumerable amounts from her during the course of their relationship so it came as an unpleasant surprise that being with Dan was causing her great amounts of shame.

"I know why you're here, honey." Rose's voice interrupted. "You're hurting, and you're looking to make them hurt too."

Elizabeth lifted her weighted head and glanced over at the old woman, noticing her for the first time.

"Why shouldn't they hurt like I do?"

"It's not going to make to you feel any better. And I get the idea that these two have endured their fair share of pain. You'd do well to consider that before you lash out again. Now, I for one am parched and could use a glass of water. Blair? Care to join me in the kitchen?"

No, Blair did not care to join her in the kitchen. Blair cared to...she wasn't sure. So she quietly stood and escorted Rose inside the house leaving Dan and Elizabeth alone. Rose held tight to Blair's hand even as they sat down at her rickety kitchen table, offering an unspoken support. Blair wasn't quite sure if she deserved it.

"I'm sorry to have brought all this, this mess to your house, Rose."

"This? This is nothing. Trust me when I say this house has seen it's own share of the dramatic. But she's still standing. Can't say as much for the people who caused it, but don't you worry about it." She stood and scuffled across the kitchen to ready some tea. "Those two will sort through all of this and when it's done they'll both be the happier for it. And you'll be happy too because you trusted your gut and chose the right guy. She's gonna need some time and space, but it'll all become clear to her eventually."

"Yeah but, I kind of ruined her life, in a way. I demolished the plan she had laid out for the two of them. I did. She has every right to hate me."

"Nobody has any right to hate anyone, you understand? Now as far as I can tell, you didn't actually do anything wrong. You showed up at the wedding you were expected to attend. Dan is the one who made the choice to leave her, not you. He's the one who'll have to answer to her, not you, and don't you let her tell you any different. You hear?"

Blair's absent nod wasn't convincing enough so after setting her tea down in front of her, Rose grabbed Blair's face with both hands. "This is not your mess to sort out. You can't do anything but support him and his decision. His decision was you and as long as you're okay with that, then you let him tell her how it's going to be."

"But I was her friend. She trusted me."

"Hogwash."

Blair couldn't help the snicker that escaped. "Hogwash? Who says that? Really?"

"Yes, really! That girl no more trusted you than the man on the moon, so you stop all this nonsense and drink your tea."

The waiting was excruciating.

Her mind was drawn to memories of the past not nearly forgotten. Thoughts of last night mingled with shadows of pain that still lingered beneath the surface and Blair was suddenly riddled with doubt. She had once believed, and still did to a certain degree, that she was a ruiner of good things. Initially she had thought that Chuck's darkness was a product of his environment and derelict ways, but once she had seen him thrive without her she had come to the conclusion that she was the catalyst for his empty behavior.

And Dan. Good, kind, sensitive Dan had said and done horrible things after she had gotten her hands on him. If she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, she wouldn't have thought it possible to corrupt Dan Humphrey. But she had done it. Of course the idea that she was some sort of curse was ridiculous yet it nagged at her now. Perhaps it was the reason she hadn't gotten close to another man since she broke things off with Chuck. Perhaps it was the reason Chuck had found other women to amuse him. Perhaps it was the reason Elizabeth carried that devastated expression around with her tonight.

When the waiting became too much for her, Blair quietly slipped into the living room where she could have a clear view of the two people outside. Elizabeth was sitting on the bench in the very same spot Blair had vacated, elbows resting on her knees with her face in her hands. Seated next to her, Dan's arm was around her shoulders and he was leaning over, whispering into her ear. It was innocent, Blair knew that, but seeing them together in such a tender moment hurt. There was an intimacy about the way his fingers gingerly curved around her frame that forced her into acknowledging the absurdity of their current predicament. Dan was walking down the aisle to the woman beside him just one day ago. He had loved her enough to agree to pledge his life to her. Those feelings are not abandoned easily, she could attest to that. It was the very thing that had destroyed her happiness with Dan so many years ago.

As Blair leaned against the sofa, pensively sipping her tea, Dan raised his head and spotted her. Blair met his gaze and knew instantly. Dan was not ready to say goodbye to this woman. Blair's companion didn't react as quickly as she had become accustomed to, but instead crept in slowly over the evening until it had a firm hold on her and refused to let go.

Dan just kept staring at her, their eyes locked. He seemed surprised or taken off guard or something. Blair wondered if he had been thinking about her while sitting out there. Maybe.

She turned to retreat into the kitchen but was distracted by the rapid shuffling of feet outside. The door opened and Dan raced into the room.

"Wait. I know that face. Don't do this."

Blair shook her head at Dan, puzzled. "What are you talking about? Don't do what?"

He grabbed her wrist, desperate. "Don't do this. You're convincing yourself to go. To leave me. You forget, I've seen it before from you Blair. Don't do this."

He was right. They both knew it but it was unsettling to find out how transparent she was. He could read her, because he knew her. He knows her.

The doorbell rang and no one moved. Dan's grip did not relax and neither of them took any steps to open the door. It rang again.

"Doesn't somebody need to get that?" Elizabeth's voice pierced the moment.

Dan dropped Blair's hand when her voice hit his ears, supposedly to answer the door, but Blair knew there was more. She looked over at Elizabeth, who avoided her gaze. Blair didn't blame her, this was an awkward situation.

"Hiya! I hear two kids are gettin' hitched tonight. You one of 'em?"

The visitor was carrying a bible and a minister's wedding book. It was evident that he had hurriedly dressed for the occasion. He had on a black suit and his shirt was tucked in neatly, but it was in need of ironing. His hair had been combed and gelled but stubbornly stuck out in places as if he had slept on it and tried to tame it. He looked around the room at the three unhappy individuals, completely oblivious.

"Well? Who am I marrying off tonight? Let's see, we've got a groom and two brides. I don't do that sort of thing, you know." His attempt at humor fell horribly flat and made the situation infinitely worse.

Blair looked at Dan, who was looking at Elizabeth, who was looking from Blair to the minister, to Dan, and back to the minister. She could physically see the realization dawning on her face. She turned around and looked outside at the flowers and the candles. When she turned back, she was slack jawed.

"You two were going to be...married? Tonight?!"

Dan cleared his throat. "Yes."

It was at this point that the minister began to look a bit uncomfortable. He pulled at his collar and straightened his lapels. "Uh, where's Rose?"

Blair pointed to the kitchen and the man quietly made his exit. Elizabeth had started to pace. She would stop every now and them to look up at Dan as if she were going to speak, then resumed her pacing. Both Dan and Blair watched her, waiting for the inevitable explosion. When she was finally ready, Elizabeth surprised them both by speaking very calmly.

"You two are the most selfish people I believe I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. You pretend to be one thing but underneath you're both despicable. As much as it's hurt me to have to endure this, I'm glad you ran off together because it saved me from sharing my life with someone who doesn't deserve me. Of course, I would had preferred you not humiliate me in front of my entire family and basically everyone who means anything to me, but now that I know who you really are, I'm not at all surprised. And Dan, the fact that you would marry her, just one day after our wedding is disgusting. And you, _Blair_, are a fool for even considering it. You two had your chance and it didn't work out. You could have had something real, Dan, something great with me, but you threw it away for her. You chose the woman who broke you and changed you and now you deserve each other."

As she approached the front door, head held high, Blair noted that her usually pretty face was inexplicably unlovely tonight. The features were exactly the same as they had always been, but there was something unsightly about the color of her eyes, or maybe it was the ruddiness of her complexion. It didn't really matter what had changed specifically about her. What mattered was that she had changed. She was different and Blair could now add Elizabeth Chapman to her list of victims.

"Oh, and one more thing. You assholes need to turn on your cell phones. I realize that you two are the center of your own universe and no one else really matters, but people have been trying to call you all day. Nobody knew where you were."

"How _did_ you find us?" Dan interjected.

Unapologetically, Elizabeth responded. "I got into your email and read the one you sent your dad."

Whoa. Blair had heard enough from Miss Texas. "Alright Elizabeth, you're done. It's time for you to go. You're accusing Dan and I of being horrible people and understand where you're coming from, but you are not innocent in this. The fact that you read his private emails tells me a great deal about your character so get off of your high horse and go home. You are not the person I thought you were."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed. "You're exactly who I thought you were. And by the way, check your voicemail. Cyrus is in the hospital, not that you care, but he needs you. You obviously have him fooled."

And she was gone. She had ripped through the house like a tornado and left the maximum amount of damage in her wake. Blair scrambled upstairs to find her phone. She shouted at it for taking so long to power on. When she was finally able to listen to her messages, her face paled when she heard Serena's voice.

_"Blair, I don't know where you are but you need to get back here now. Sometime last night Cyrus...well it's not good. They think it's a heart attack, but they're not sure. I don't know what's going to happen. You need to be here."_

She set the phone down as the panic reared up.

"Dan! DAN!"

He was already in the room right behind her. "I'm here, what is it?"

"Cyrus. He's had a heart attack. That's all I know." She choked out.

With a look, he understood, and hurriedly began to pack what little they had while Blair phoned Serena for details. He then ran downstairs to explain everything to Rose. Blair listened intently while Serena brought her up to speed, but she had trouble focusing. Certain expressions stuck out without context; "congestive heart failure", "mini strokes", and "difficulty breathing" were just a few. Silent tears rolled down Blair's face as she took it all in and the guilt overtook her, covering and smothering her. Poor Cyrus, she hadn't even thought to call him in the midst of all this. Elizabeth was right. She was selfish.

She told Serena that she would be back in Dallas at the hospital in under 3 hours and to tell Cyrus she was headed his way.

_"Blair...they've got him heavily sedated. He hasn't been conscious since he got here. He doesn't know you've been gone."_

She ended the call, grabbed her bag, and raced downstairs to get Dan. They had to leave. Now. She found him in the kitchen with the minister and a bewildered looking Rose. Dan was speaking quietly with the man while Rose appeared to be...angry? Her face was screwed up into a strange expression and she was furiously tapping her fingers on the tabletop. When Dan saw Blair, he lead her into another room.

"What's going on Dan? We've got to go!"

"Look Blair," he hesitated, "you may have to go without me. Rose is having one of her spells. She's disoriented and doesn't know where she is or who we are right now. Mr. Phillips said this happens every now and then because of the Alzheimers, but she can't be left alone."

Blair stared at him in disbelief. She simply couldn't believe everything that had happened in the last twenty minutes. It was surreal, as if she were dreaming. But she knew that she wasn't. She was having a nightmare while fully awake.

"Mr. Phillips, that's the minister's name, said that he thinks all of the stress from tonight might have triggered something in her." He was running his hands through his hair. "I know you need me, I just...I don't think I can leave her right now."

Blair nodded. "Of course, you need to stay with her. But I have to go. I'll have to take the car. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll call a cab or have somebody give me a ride. I'll be fine. I don't know how long I'll be here though."

"Okay."

They stood awkwardly facing one another, unsure if they should hug or just get on with it. Dan shifted his weight and swallowed, then took her hand. He gently stroked the tops of her fingers for a minute, contemplating his next words.

"I love you. And I'm sorry tonight was, well, tonight. It shouldn't have been this way."

Blair wasn't sure if he was talking about their almost wedding or the fact that were together in the first place. Either way, it didn't matter. Fate had intervened and given them several clear signs that this weekend should not have happened. She leaned in and brushed her lips across his cheek, uncertain when she would next see him.

"Goodbye."

And she drove away leaving Dan behind, yet again. She had two and a half hours alone to process everything before she arrived at the hospital. During that time she came to two conclusions, the first being that she did in fact believe in divine intervention for the events of the last few hours were undeniable evidence. The second conclusion she came to was that she had been fooling herself. She had gotten caught up in the prospect of actually getting to be happy with him and neglected to recognize the harsh truth. Dan was better off without her. She loved him too much to lead him down that path again.

When she pulled into the parking lot, her decision had already been made.

Yes, it had been a beautiful evening, in retrospect.

_TBC_

**A/N: Sorry for the delay (again) in getting this chapter out. I hope I haven't lost you! I'm so thrilled to know you still like this story. And don't hate me after this chapter :-). You know how I feel about these two, so don't lose hope. I want to go ahead and tell you that we are approaching the end. There will most likely be two more chapters after this one. They're already mapped out, just have to be written down. I haven't ever stated this, but I don't have a beta, so any mistakes (and there are probably many) are mine.**

**As always, reviews are very welcome. I love hearing from you!**


	9. Chapter Nine: Revelation

**A/N: **It is with renewed vigor that I take up this story again. Like many of you, when season 6 began to air, I couldn't muster the desire the write for Dan and Blair, but with the passing of a little time, I've slowly been able to remember why I fell in love with them in the first place. Now, because it's been so long since I last updated, my plans for this story have changed somewhat. I had planned for 10 chapters, but the story has since veered in my head and so I'm not sure how many chapters there will be. Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy. Quick note: I will be changing my pen name sometime soon, but I will give you notice before I do. It will likely be in the next chapter of this story.**  
**

**Revelation**

"I suppose I have some explaining to do."

Cyrus looked up from the newspaper he'd been skimming and let his eyes settle on the petite brunette hovering against the doorframe. She wore the same clothes he'd seen her in the night before and had attempted to make her hair somewhat presentable, but anyone could see she'd slept on it. Carefully, she stepped into the room, unsure and hesitant as people often are in hospitals.

"Oh, I don't know," he responded, glancing back down at his paper. "I think that's up to you. You're an adult after all."

The right side of her mouth twitched up as Blair was instantly put at ease. He wasn't upset with her. All day yesterday and the night before she'd been in a panic, worried about him, wondering about the true nature of his illness. When the doctors determined that he did in fact have a serious heart condition treatable by medication and rest, she collapsed in relief. And when she was finally able to lay eyes on him, every other thought left her for all she could see was him. He was safe. It wasn't until he'd gotten settled into a new room and started to become lucid that Blair thought about the fact that Cyrus, along with everyone else, would want to know what had happened to her over the last few days. It was eating her alive.

But wonderful, intuitive Cyrus wasn't going to push. Of all of them, he deserved an explanation, but he wouldn't demand it of her.

"That may be true, but all the same, I'm sure you'd like to know."

She sat down at the foot of his bed, delicate and slow so as not to cause him any discomfort. Cyrus sighed and closed his book.

"Yes, I would like to hear what's going on with you, but not for the reasons you think. I just want to know if you're okay."

She swallowed and raised her head to meet his gaze, willing herself to hold back any residual tears.

"If I'm being honest with you, I'm not sure. You see, I'm quite certain I'm destined to be unhappy."

"Come here, Blair bear."

He opened his arms and she was a ten again, crumbling under the weight of unhappiness and finding solace in her father's arms. The fact that they shared no blood carried little weight for in that moment they were parent and child. He was her protector despite his current physical limitations and she his most avid devotee. The remainder of the morning was spent in confession, him listening and nodding, her unloading all of her burdens accumulated since the night she drove away. All the while he hugged her closely, fiercely, for they belonged to one another.

After some time, Blair left to get a change of clothes, promising to return as quickly as possible. She was lodging with Serena, who had opted to stay back with Blair, in the same room they were meant to share the weekend prior. They would remain until Cyrus was released from the hospital and cleared to return home. It felt good to have a hot shower and rest for a bit for despite everything she was still Blair Waldorf and tended to get a little grouchy when her routines were neglected. She napped for an hour just to shake off the fatigue that was threatening to consume her, and snapped at Serena when she woke, irritated that the girl had allowed her to sleep for so long. Serena merely shrugged with no apologies and accompanied Blair brusquely back to the hospital. When they arrived, Cyrus was wide awake, though his countenance was considerably less jovial than before.

"Must I be poked and prodded at all hours of the day?" He uncharacteristically barked at his nurse.

"Almost done, sir. Then you can go back to sleep." Her automatic response suggested she was used to this sort of goading.

"Well it would be nice if I could get just one minute's peace around he-Blair!" Startled at her sudden appearance, his cheeks colored, seemingly at his behavior, but she couldn't be sure.

"Hello." Her eyebrows raised as she looked from Cyrus to the nurse. "You'll have to excuse him. He's not quite himself today."

"it's no trouble." The nurse finished with her tests and closed the door on her way out. Blair and Serena immediately burst into laughter.

"So you've taken to harassing the nurses I see!" Blair snorted.

Cyrus scowled at the delighted duo but couldn't hold it for long. "Well, she won't let me sleep. Every time I close my eyes she's in here again with some new torture device. And if it's not her, it's another one!" He harrumphed.

Serena and Blair exchanged glances, an understanding between them. Blair smoothed out the crumpled bedsheets and fluffed Cyrus's pillows before leaning down and giving him a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Tell you what, Serena and I will stand guard and let you get a little sleep, okay?"

"No, no, that's not why you came. Come inside."

"Nope. You know there's no arguing with me once I've made up my mind. And believe me, when those nurses see me outside, they'll turn and run the other direction."

With only a couple more protests and grumbling, Blair was able to convince Cyrus to let them leave, after which his head hit the pillow and he gave in to fatigue. Serena watched as Blair gently closed the door and then promptly flounced off down the corridor toward the elevators. Without a backwards glance, she gestured for Serena to follow, not even considering for a moment that she wouldn't obey. And she did.

"Blair, what about standing guard?"

"Oh, those nurses are going to go in whether we're out there or not. I just didn't want him to feel obligated to spend time with us when he needs rest. We can go back and check in on him later. I'm on the hunt for coffee."

After winding their way down numerous halls and floors, they finally stopped and asked for directions and were irritated to discover they would have to find their way through the maze-like structure to another building where there was a full espresso bar. Blair forged an inner debate and finally decided that it was worth it as she was in dire need of caffeine, be it hospital quality or otherwise. Serena, being a good natured soul, simply followed along chattering about the attractive doctor they'd just passed and offering him a backwards glance. It wasn't until she'd listed the finer attributes of the man's jawline that she was aware her companion had stopped walking and gone rigid. Blair had grabbed onto Serena's sleeve and was holding on with a vise-like grip, her eyes fixed on some unknown point ahead of them. Serena followed her gaze, sifting through the crowd of doctors, orderlies, patients, and visitors unable to pinpoint what had mesmerized her friend. She was about to say as much when she spotted the dark locks, though recently shorn, that still held their signature curl belonging to the object of Blair's attention.

Blair briefly considered turning and walking in the opposite direction. She could easily slip into the throngs unnoticed by him, enabling her to put off this confrontation until another day. She felt she was perfectly within her rights to, after all. She hadn't heard from him since the night she left Rose's house. Before this moment, she'd been rationalizing it to herself during the mundane tasks taking up the time not occupied with caring for Cyrus. _It's only been a few days. He understands I'm busy with Cyrus. He's probably heard from someone else that Cyrus is going to be okay. _These thoughts consumed her when she was brushing her teeth or washing her hands or swiping a stray piece of lint from her blouse. She'd been avoiding these small tasks as much as possible because behind them was a voice telling her that her justifications for his neglect were falsities. So she hurried through them as quickly as possible to avoid the quiet voice and allowed her own thoughts to drown it out. _He doesn't actually have any lingering feelings for Elizabeth, that was just me being paranoid. He told me that he chose me, not her. He's just preoccupied with Rose, that's all. He hasn't had time to pick up the phone. Not one minute of time to call and check on the girl he wanted to marry. Not one single minute to make a blasted phone call just to let me know that he's okay and Rose is okay, and see if I'm okay and figure out if we are okay and tell me that he loves me in spite of everything that happened with Elizabeth. And to just pick up the phone that's sitting in his pocket right now because it's the decent thing to do!_

In an instant she snapped herself out of the emotional coma and released her grip on Serena. She took one step, slow and steady, then another, then another until her pace quickened. She wove through the people effortlessly, calm, collected, until she was standing directly behind him in line and listening to him order a double espresso. He hadn't noticed her yet. This thought registered loudly in her mind.

"That'll be $3.64."

"You'll want to charge extra for the pint of cream he's about to poor into that cup." She casually quipped.

Dan spun around, startled.

"Blair! How did you-"

"I must have had the same idea you had." She spoke carelessly, unattached, but there was an edge to her voice and he could sense it.

"Well, I'm glad you did."

His smile was genuine, much as always, but he gave it with reservation. He was no idiot and he knew his crime. He just wasn't sure what to do about it or how to fix it. Or if he should fix it. He'd had several days to process the events of last weekend but the more he thought about it, the more overwhelmed he became. His life had taken a sudden and unexpected turn and it was all his doing. The choices he'd made regarding Blair and Elizabeth were monumental to say the least. When he'd had nothing to do but focus on Rose, he hadn't had to think about his actions, his spontaneity...his recklessness. He'd only had to concentrate on how to help the elderly woman who'd given him so much. His friend and mentor who was in a much more fragile state than he had ever believed possible. But the urgency of her need had passed and with it his state of contented ignorance. His clarity brought with it a heavy heart full to bursting with longing but also with regret. Dan Humphrey was not the kind of man who hurt people, at least not intentionally. He was also not the kind of man who settled for anything other than what he truly wanted. His honor wouldn't allow it. He was at war with himself and he was quite sure that it was written plainly across his face. His eyes shouted it at her as she fiddled with her necklace, appearing haphazard but he knew her better than that. This was her defense, her armor she'd constructed many years ago when she'd had no defender, no one to protect her from the day to day disappointments of her life. In their youth he'd become familiar with it, even admired her for it. But he hadn't seen her use it against him in quite some time, not even after their breakup and subsequent explosive encounter. He stared at her delicate hands fingering the gold charm at the end of the chain, wary of her mood and response to his appearance.

She raised her eyebrows, blinked a few times, and smiled at him.

"Are you?"

"Of course I am. What kind of question is that?"

"I don't know. I hadn't heard from you, so I just figured your mind was on other things."

Only Blair Waldorf could manage to make his heart bleed and anger him at the same time.

"Well, phones work two ways, you know. I've been pretty preoccupied with Rose. I just, I haven't had time...Rose's condition is difficult to manage."

She stopped the charade at the mention of Rose.

"How is she?"

"She's okay. That first night after you left was tough. She was really agitated and went in and out of lucidness. I think there were times she was scared of me which broke my heart. I had to finally just pick her up and carry her to her bed. She wouldn't budge otherwise." His voice caught in his throat. "She seems to be okay now. The doctor wants to adjust her meds. She's here with her now."

Blair nodded. "That's a long way to drive for a doctor's appointment."

"Yeah, there's a specialist here that her sister set her up with. She's supposed to be the best in the state. Rose is in good hands. There's no need to worry Blair."

He reached out to touch her forehead. She hadn't realized it but she'd been clenching every muscle in her face so tightly that it was almost painful. She let him brush the tips of his fingers along her brow and down her cheek, wiping the worry away and she briefly forgot her anger to enjoy the feel of his skin on hers. Her eyelids fluttered then closed when his palm cupped her neck and she released a sigh as well as her facade.

"Dan."

"I know, Blair."

Her resolve wavered enough to give him an earnest plea.

"We can't go back, can we?"

He swallowed, afraid to answer, but not willing to lie to her.

"I don't think we can. I think you had it right that night. It just took me a little longer to get there."

She wasn't going to cry, she'd done enough of that. Fate had granted them this moment of closure and she was grateful that her thoughts wouldn't linger on what might have been or what could be. They were over and they had both come to the conclusion separately. It was decided. She took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted."

"Blair...I want you to know that I meant everything I said to you."

"I know. Me too. But there's just too much...other. It wouldn't have worked."

He seemed accosted by her words, as if he might contradict them, then thinking better of it he slipped his hands into his pockets and just stared at her, willing her to take it back. When she did not, he looked away and studied his shoelaces for a bit. Neither of them said anything for countless minutes, or maybe seconds so he looked up only to discover she was no longer standing in front of him. She was nowhere to be seen at all.

"You gonna pay for that, sir?" The barista interjected and pointed at the drink cooling on the counter.

Dan looked over at the drink, then back to the crowd where he could almost make out the back of the bobbing blonde and brunette heads of two Upper East Side princesses.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am."

He pulled his right hand out and offered the kid a five dollar bill while his other hand absentmindedly fingered a cool, smooth stone inside his pocket.

Cyrus and Blair returned to New York after a week and a half stay in the hospital, Serena having gone ahead of them by five days. By that point Cyrus was more than ready to return to his home and his own bed. Blair, on the other hand, was not quite as anxious to get back. She'd been gone for over two weeks and her assistant was fit to be tied. Though she had worked as much as she could from her hotel room, she was only able to get a fraction of the work done that was needed. Genevieve was on the phone with her several hours of the day, prepping for meetings Blair was supposed to attend, networking with investors, and even going so far as to choose fabrics for her. There was never a moment Blair didn't have a handle on things, thanks to Genevieve, but she found herself dreading her return to the office. It was a strange feeling for it hadn't crept up on her or taken her by surprise. She thought that perhaps it had always been there, she just hadn't paid much attention to it. No matter, there were things to be done and as her mother used to say, Waldorf Designs was not going to run itself. After getting Cyrus settled into the penthouse, she changed clothes, dabbed on a bit of makeup, and headed out to meet with Genevieve, who'd agreed to pull an all nighter with her in order to catch her up to speed. As the car pulled up to the building containing her offices, she took a deep breath and readied herself for an exhausting evening.

Her heels touched the pavement with a grind as her heavy steps carried her through the front doors and into the lobby. She waved a quick hello to the guard on duty and plugged along to the elevators. As soon as she pressed the button, she heard the familiar ding and the doors slid open, awaiting her. She lost her footing and nearly stumbled as the elevator flew seemingly at warp speed to her floor. All lights had been extinguished, save for the glow of a few computer monitors so she plodded toward her office in the dark. She must be early. Genevieve would have had everything ready for her if she'd arrived. As she fumbled for her keys, she noted a large stack of paperwork on her receptionist's desk with a post-it reading 'Ms. Waldorf', condemning her to hours of sifting and sorting.

"Damn." It wasn't exactly a welcome home present.

When she finally spotted the key that had been eluding her, she entered her office, only to be assaulted with more papers and a desk covered by piles of fabric. Tonight's tasks would most definitely require a boost. She dropped everything in a chair, headed straight to the mini-bar, and made herself a vodka tonic.

"Now this is more like it."

Ms. Blair Waldorf, head of Waldorf Designs, sat herself down in her throne and kicked her feet up onto a mountain of designer fabrics and samples. She downed half the drink immediately and leaned her head back for a quick rest before the real work began. She didn't sleep. She simply allowed her mind to wander this way and that, clearing a path for tonight's chores. She breathed in and out, meditating on a single thought, _what must be done, what must be done_...

Genevieve arrived five minutes prior to the designated time to discover no lights had been turned on.

"Great. Don't tell me she's late."

She dug through her purse, searching for her phone as she flipped light switches and turned on her computer. As she hit the speed dial for her boss, she quickly unlocked the woman's office, set on arranging things perfectly so that she wouldn't bite her head off when she got there. She flipped the light on and yelped when she discovered Blair already there, sitting quietly at her desk, sipping a glass of water. Or was it water?

"Are you drinking?"

Blair opened her eyes and closed them again.

"Yes. Would you like one?"

She was caught a bit off guard as Blair had never offered her a drink in her office before. Flustered, she replied, "Er, no, no thank you. I'm fine. I'll just get my notes from today's meeting ready."

"That won't be necessary."

Genevieve stopped.

"Did you change your mind? We can run over the applications we received today first if you'd like."

Blair opened her eyes again and sat up straight.

"No, I don't think that will be necessary either. You seem to have it all under control here."

"Ms. Waldorf-"

"Blair."

Genevieve cleared her throat. "Okay, Blair, um...I'm not entirely sure what you want me to do here."

Blair met her eyes and with a brand new clarity, her words rang true. "I don't want this anymore."

It was as if she'd been holding up a damned river for the last five years and suddenly that one simple truth allowed the waters to burst through the damn and flow out and away, freeing her from the burden of holding them in. She whooped and jumped up from her chair.

"Ah, that felt good. That felt so good! I don't think I've ever said that out loud. I don't think I've even said that to myself. But you know what? It's true." She laughed erratically throughout her revelation. "I don't want to run this company. I don't want to be the head of a label. I don't want it. I don't want it! I never wanted it! Don't you see? This was never my dream. This was her dream and I only took it on to honor her. But I didn't want this, not even from the first moment she hired me!" She was pacing around the room at this point, hands flying between her hair and themselves, wringing together and frantically running through her disheveled tresses. But her spirit was not disheveled or out of sorts, not at all. It was alive and her eyes were bright with new found hope. Genevieve didn't know what to make of it all.

"But Ms. Waldorf,"

"It's Blair!"

"All the same, you can't just abandon us! We need you."

That seemed to bring her back down to earth, though it didn't remove her high.

"Yes, of course, yes, there'll have to be a transition period and I'll want to oversee it. And I'll still want to be involved for my mother's sake. I'm not going to leave you entirely, I promise. I'm just not going to devote my life to this company. I want to be happy. I've seen what that looks like and my life thus far doesn't resemble it in the slightest. I want to follow my own path, make my own way. You know?"

Blair's enthusiasm was catching and Genevieve couldn't help but grin at her.

"But what will you do?"

Blair stopped pacing to consider the question. She needed to have an answer for the company's sake but also for her own. What would she do? There had been a time in her life when the world had been open to her, full of limitless possibilities. There had been a time when she had actually allowed herself to use her wit and ingenuity to forge a path tailor made for her. What were her plans then? Where had she been headed?

"I don't know." She snickered. "I honestly don't know. But that's the next thing to be decided, isn't it?"

With a flourish, she grabbed her bag and her briefcase and ran for the door. She turned and shouted a quick goodbye to Genevieve and ran all the way to the elevator, then out of the building to flag a taxi. For the first time in many years she felt her age. Her own age, not that of her mother and she reveled in the feeling on the way home. She was electric, buzzing and full of life, and thought she might burst. She asked the driver to turn up the radio and roll down the windows. Before he knew what was happening, she'd stuck her head out the window along with half her torso and was singing along with Elton John as loud as she could, fists periodically pumping the night air.

Cyrus was dozing in and out of sleep when Blair returned to the penthouse, but the exuberant young woman kept his attention long enough for him to embrace her and tell her goodnight. She was already upstairs and in the shower when he remembered that a package addressed to her had been delivered earlier. Seeing as the postmark was from Texas he figured it was something to do with his hospital stay, probably bills, and it could wait until morning. As his lids fluttered closed, he could have sworn he heard someone singing.

"Benny-Benny-Benny, Benny, Benny and the je-e-e-etts..."

Rose was up much past her prescribed bedtime. Truly, she was exhausted, but she had something on her mind. Something she couldn't let rest for fear she wouldn't remember to get it done in the morning. Her spells were coming more and more frequently and she worried that one day one would overtake her and not release her from its captive arms. Because of this, she worked effortlessly on her final project. She picked up the phone and dialed the number she had come to know so well recently. The voice on the other end answered hoarsely.

"Hello?"

"Jim? S'that you?"

Mr Phillips rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh. "What now Rose? It's two in the morning. You're supposed to be in bed."

"Now don't you get testy with me. Don't forget what I know about your little gambling habit."

"How could I forget, Rose? You remind me of it nearly every day."

Hmm. Rose couldn't remember doing that and the fact was a little upsetting. But she brushed it off as this was her lot and she had accepted it.

"Listen, I just want to know if you mailed that package for me."

"Yes, I mailed it. I told you I mailed it. Now can I go to sleep?"

"Hold on, I've got another one for you. Can you come get it tomorrow?"

"Sure. I'll pick it up when I come over to check on your meds. Is that all?"

"Yeah, that's all. This won't be the last one either. I've got several more coming."

He paused. "I wish you'd tell me what this is all about."

But she'd already hung up the phone, not one for pleasantries. She turned her attention back to her computer screen and sifted through countless files in her folder, finally settling on one. The first page was titled,

_**"Down the Rabbit Hole" **_

**_By Daniel Humphrey_**

**__**_TBC_


	10. Chapter Ten: Resurrection

_Emily was a bright girl with an even brighter imagination. She dreamed of one day becoming a queen or perhaps a pilot or even a movie star, and possessed the necessary qualities to achieve any one of these ambitions. Her ability to lead had been noted by her teachers from a very early age, and her intelligence matched that of her learned parents. Her beauty, however, was unrivaled amongst her peers and it was widely speculated that Emily would break many a heart when she grew into womanhood. Her chestnut locks curled loosely down her back and her ruby lips had already captured the attention of the young boys her own age. Emily, however, was not interested in their attentions and had no time for frivolous things. There were adventures to be had. Every afternoon she would sneak off into the woods behind her house until she came upon a hidden meadow veiled in sunshine and fog and hidden by thick woods. It was there that she held court, and carried passengers to safety and filmed her award winning roles. Hours were spent perfecting accents and learning the proper way to carry one's self and building a propeller that was just the right size. Emily whiled away the time and when darkness fell, she hurried back home lest her mother scold her for being out too late by herself._

_One afternoon, Emily was scripting her latest film when she was distracted by a rustling sound in some nearby trees. Setting her papers down, she set off to investigate, already forming the larger plot points in her head. It was most assuredly a band of misfits seeking to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting maiden. Little did they know that the maiden was in fact a fierce combatant who would have no trouble defeating them in mere seconds. Tucking her imaginary sword through her belt, she sifted through the thick brush in search of the noisy foes. Now Emily had created in her mind some of the most horrific villains and beautiful heroes while traipsing through the very same woods, but none of her musings prepared her for the sight she would behold, for while Emily scanned her surroundings for mischief-makers, a bewitching woman observed her. She had in fact been watching her for some time, unbeknownst to dear little Emily, taking note of the young girl's every move._

_"Come out from hiding you rascals, you fiends! I shall triumph over you with my strong right arm! You'll never escape the clutches of this mighty warrior. Unhand your your victim and throw down you arms for you shall not pass without facing me!" She shouted and ranted as she trudged through the brush, swiping left and right, left and right, at the overgrown foliage blocking her way. It too was an unyielding adversary for it attempted to prevent her from seeking her target with every step. But the girl was tenacious and she crushed the obstacles beneath her feet with several mighty blows. "Aha! Take that you feeble devils, you wretched goblins, you cowardly buffoons! I shall discover the evil foes hiding away in these woods and when I do I will cut you all down and take your heads for a trophies!"_

_"BE CAREFUL YOUR WORDS FOR YOU KNOW NOT WHAT LINGERS HERE."_

_Emily froze upon hearing the heavy voice from the trees, glancing every which way, trying to pin point the source. Her bravura waning, she nervously called into the canopy above, "Who said that? Who's there?" She waited and waited, yet nothing answered and she began to wonder if perhaps her imagination had simply run away from her momentarily. After a thorough inspection of the branches above her head, she turned to head back to her meadow. Breathing somewhat easier, her eyes dropped to the ground to search for her path. When she raised them again, she screamed, startled by a woman standing before her, not two feet away. Silver hair and eyes shining, she was the most beautiful creature Emily's eyes had ever seen. But behind those glimmering orbs was something fiery, almost menacing, and it was fearsome to behold._

_"YOU DON'T BELONG HERE, YOUNG ONE."_

_Perhaps it was the disdain in the woman's glare or maybe the condescending tone, but Emily gathered her courage once again and challenged the ethereal being. "Says who? I'm smart, and brave, and I have just as much right to be here as you do. Why shouldn't I live among the trees?" She clenched her hips and she stood her ground firmly, bravely...foolishly. The silver haired women's raging eyes widened as she seemed to increase in stature with each passing second. _

_"DO YOU CHALLENGE ME, SENSELESS GIRL?"_

_Fighting the urge to flee, Emily kept her feet planted. "Yes! Yes I do. I am a part of this wood and it is a part of me! Here is where my dreams live and I shall remain forever and there is nothing you can do about it!" She screamed until the rawness in her throat forced her to stop. Expecting the worst, she cringed, waiting for the woman to unleash her anger. Without warning, the woman shrank to her original size and took Emily by the hand, her rage having completely dissipated._

_"VERY WELL THEN, AS YOU WISH. BUT DO NOT SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU." With her final words, she flung Emily into the air with such force that she was sure she would break several bones when she landed. But she never landed. She flew through the trees, branches whipping and scratching her face and limbs. Faster and faster she went until Emily could no longer make out images, only colors, and vague ones at that. Her head was aching and her stomach was churning, and finally, mercifully, she blacked out. _

_When she awoke, she had no idea what horrors and wonders awaited her._

_..._

Blair placed the wrinkled papers back into the mailing envelope. The rest of the story gave an account of Emily's initial adventures in a mystical land inhabited by monsters and magic. The first package had contained detailed character sketches of Emily along with several other characters including the nameless woman from the forest, though the woman's description hadn't quite matched her hostile portrayal in this chapter. Blair chocked it up to Dan's inability to make a decision and stick with it, though the story version of the woman was far more interesting to read about than the original sketch version. The Emily character was the opposite of interesting, at least to Blair's summation. She was cliché and far too precocious to be likable, and Blair had the sneaking suspicion that she herself had been the model for the girl. It was evident in the calculated and somewhat slanted treatment of her thoughts and desires. She was impolite and rather self absorbed, and Blair couldn't help but be just a tiny bit offended by the comparison. According to the date, he had written it shortly after graduating from NYU and several months after she left him for Chuck. It made perfect sense for him to liken her to an idealistic, spoiled child at the time, but it still stung. Despite the blow to her ego, she'd read this particular installment three times through and was quite looking forward to the next, that is, if she were to get another.

And she really wanted to get another. Having a character based on your persona was not something that happened to everyone and despite Emily's negative qualities, she was extremely flattered that Dan had yet again captured a piece of her and recorded it in the form of a fictional character. If Blair were being honest with herself, there were certain qualities that she recognized favorably within the young girl. She was strong and driven, both characteristics she admired in herself, and she possessed an above average amount of intelligence and common sense. In the story, when she first awakens after her journey, she finds herself in a tropical paradise. Rather than play in the sand as many girls her age would have done, Emily went immediately in search of fresh water, a nod to Blair's pragmatic nature. And even though she was her toughest critic, it was hard for Blair to admit to her flaws, but after several rereads, she was forced to condede she'd been rather precocious as a child. Dan had infused bits of her into his creation at a time in his life when he couldn't stand the sight of her, much less the thought of her and he'd still managed to make her the heroine of his story. If he was able to do that then perhaps he hadn't hated her as much as she'd let herself believe. Perhaps he'd been able to compartmentalize his feelings and hadn't let his anger at her taint his affection for her. It was a strange concept for Blair to grasp yet it made perfect sense. Most people would never allow the person who had broken their heart back into their lives in the way that Dan had over the last few months. Maybe he actually was capable of separating his feelings for her from everything else in his life. But was that a good thing? Had that been the reason he had so easily tossed Elizabeth aside that day and run off with her? The expression 'out of sight, out of mind' was playing on repeat over and over in her head and it was not a comfort to her. When Dan had been confronted with his feelings for Elizabeth again, he'd caved. Surely the same would be true of his feelings for Blair, but what good would it do them if he couldn't make up his mind? She was again reminded of the inconsistencies between his original sketches and the actual story so she glanced back through them and found the page dedicated to the unnamed woman. Inspecting it closely, she discovered something she hadn't noticed before. Dan had written a small side note toward the bottom of the page. It read_ 'theme: salvation'_. More confused than ever, Blair closed the envelope and set it aside to let her mind forget the matter for a while.

Blair had made several attempts to contact Rose since receiving the package, but she hadn't been able to find a working number. She had managed to locate Mr. Phillips' phone number online and called a few times, but no one ever answered. Rose hadn't written a note or even signed her name but Blair knew the story had been sent by the spirited older woman. They'd discussed Dan's short stories during her time in Texas so it was clear that Rose was trying to send her a message, but at this point the meaning evaded her. The obvious answer would be to call Dan and see if he knew anything about it, but that wasn't really an option at this point. It hurt enough to think about him so she couldn't imagine having to hear his voice on the other end of the phone, laced with wariness and regret. It would be too much after their close encounter of the matrimonial kind. Her only option had been to write Rose a letter, so she'd done just that. It was concise and sweet. She inquired as to her health and wanted to know how Mr. Phillips was doing. Was she taking care of herself? How much time was she spending outdoors gardening and such because the Texas heat can be brutal and she really ought not to be out for very long. Oh, and by the way, there was a package...

She hadn't gotten a response yet. She supposed Rose probably just hadn't gotten around to it yet, or maybe she just wasn't up to it. It might have gotten lost in the mail. Regardless, it was slowly driving her mad and she had no time for madness. There were a multitude of things to accomplish this week and dwelling on the writings of Dan Humphrey played no part in her transforming her life.

She'd already taken care of one of the most difficult steps. The board hadn't taken her news very well but that was to be expected. However, she stood firm and eventually convinced them that this was the best course of action for the betterment of the company as well as her own. Waldorf Designs no longer needed Blair Waldorf in the driver's seat. The emergency meeting lasted for well over an hour and ended on an upbeat, but Blair knew that she had turned their world upside down. She felt bad about that side of things, but at the same time she was more convicted than ever that her decision had been the right one. Her heart was no longer in her work, perhaps had never been, and the company was suffering for it. She had looked them in the eyes and told them that there was no denying the fact that Waldorf Designs was stagnant. No one argued with her and thus the turning point. As she left that meeting, she had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk just to look around. The world was open to her again and the feeling was unmistakable. Freedom.

Her next steps were not so clear cut. She hadn't yet formed a plan for what would happen beyond her resignation, which was why she found herself in a cab this morning heading to a place she had only visited once before. It was a ways out of town, but that wasn't the reason she hadn't been back. The truth was, it felt strange to be there. She felt no connection to the place which bothered her exceedingly, but how does one form an emotional attachment to a headstone? The body beneath the earth had once belonged to her mother but now it housed nothing. It was an empty shell and the thought of her beautiful face decaying beneath her feet was revolting. These were not thoughts that she shared with other people for fear that they would judge her. Eleanor had expressed a desire to be buried rather than cremated because she had wanted to leave something of herself behind for her family to visit and from which to gain comfort. Blair wasn't sure that she could gain any sort of comfort from seeing the hard, packed earth surrounding Eleanor Waldorf's marker. As the driver pulled into the lot, she spotted a young couple holding one another and staring forlornly at a small grave.

It took her nearly twenty minutes to wind her way through the rolling hills in search of the right one, but she eventually spotted the tell tale landmark. The long branches of a gnarled tree hung over Eleanor's grave like a guardian. It had been the one bright spot that Blair took away from the graveside service because it seemed to serve as a protector. She took slow, careful steps toward the tree and stopped about 5 feet short of it and the actual grave. For some reason, she was having trouble making her feet move any closer. To complicate things further, her eyes started to sting. She didn't have any tissues, an amateurish oversight, but she was new to the grieving mourner role and hadn't come prepared. Her breathing became choppy and she found that she was struggling to keep in the sob that clawed at her throat. In an effort to get herself under control, she quickly pulled out the speech she had prepared out of her pocket and began reciting it out loud to...to no one, but her efforts were focused on the rectangular marker before her.

"Hello Mother, I'm so sorry I haven't been to see you before now. My life is very busy at the moment and I can hardly find time for sleep much less leisurely things. But that's not the real reason and I guess you probably know that. I'm not good with emotion, it makes me uncomfortable and this most certainly fits into that category. But the thing is, I need to talk to you. Desperately. I'm about to embark on some uncharted waters and I need to know that you're behind me. It may come as a shock to you that I have chosen to give up my current position at your company. I know how hard you worked to build the label and I know how much it meant to you so please don't think that is lost on me. I've seen it through some difficult times and some really wonderful times, but I think it's time for me to move on. I've left it in extremely capable hands who will treat it with the respect it deserves. They're people who share so many of your passions and can give it the care and treatment it deserves, something I was never able to do. I'm so ashamed to admit that to you now. My passions have always been elsewhere and now I finally have the opportunity to pursue them, but I can't do it without your blessing. I don't know how I'll possibly get it, but I need it. Mom, I need it." She paused to take a breath, and swipe at a couple of stray tears. "There's something else I need to discuss with you. It's really important and I need your advice. I've realized recently that I'm a...that I...that I have an effect on people, and not in a good way. I hurt them, I damage them and then they are not the same. I'm not sure what to do about it. And I'm doing it again, god help me. There's a man, a wonderful man, who loves me. But I'm afraid to let him get any closer to me because I've already caused him so much pain, and it appears that I'm headed down that same path again. He's good and kind and all the things that I aspire to be and I don't think I could live with myself if I turned him too. Now, I realize that if you were sitting here listening to me you'd tell me I sound ridiculous. You'd say to stop with the histrionics and dial down the melodrama. But the fact remains, I am no good for him. Maybe I could be someday, but that's the kind of unhealthy thinking that ruined me when I was younger. So I'm not going think that way. I'm going to take care of me and I'm going to leave him out of it. I think it's what you would do if you were in my situation. Isn't it?"

Blair closed her eyes and lifted her face toward the sun that was creeping from behind a cloud and let it bathe her skin in warmth. She wasn't a superstitious person and this certainly wasn't a sign, but maybe it was a harbinger of things to come. She would allow herself this one silly notion. As another cloud passed in front of the sun, she looked back down at the stone and took several steps toward it, finally kneeling beside the polished marble. She draped the gladiolas in her arms across the mound of the dirt that was still settling. It was covered in a light green fuzz which set the yellow of the blooms off nicely. Her mother would have loved them. Maybe there was something here she connected with and it had nothing to do with the coffin or any other mundane detail. There was something cathartic in being able to talk to her mother, unrestrained and free. It filled a hole that she hadn't been aware of until now. She could tell her anything, needed to tell her everything. She filled her lungs again and stood to brush the dirt from her clothes. It was time to go, she could sense it, but she needed to say one thing more.

"I miss you."

Blair returned home feeling a little lighter but also keenly aware of the solemnity of her decision to leave her mother's company in the hands of someone else. There was no doubt that she had done what was best, but before visiting the cemetery she had been pushing the ramifications of her decision out of mind. Now that she was finally able to face them, they seemed to be manageable and most importantly, they were worth the risk. Blair threw her bag on the console and immediately walked upstairs to get her laptop. She began typing calmly and quickly, and when she found the phone number she wanted, she realized she had left her phone in her bag downstairs. When she finally had it in her hands, that were starting to tremble in anticipation, she dialed the number slowly, carefully. As it rang, she took stock of all the important events in her life, much like Dan had with his rocks. The day she got into Constance, her first science fair win, the day Nate gave her his pin, her winning essay, the day she realized her dad loved her regardless of the ocean between them, her acceptance into Columbia, her internship with W magazine, the day Dan stole her away from the church; they were all there in one concise list that was begging for another entry. Her heart jumped as the voice on the other end of the phone said, "Columbia University Office of Admissions. How can I help you?"

That was the day Blair started collecting actual rocks. Technically she started that day in the stream when she and Dan had each taken a stone, but now it was time to add, to build on that one. Though it was late in the summer, she had been able to gain admission by going through various channels and pulling several strings. She knew that she had an in because she was a former student with almost enough hours to make her a junior. It didn't hurt that she had a substantial amount of money at her disposal either. She was able to secure a spot for herself within a week's time. One stone.

Classes began shortly after that and Blair had to retrain herself. It had been quite some time since she had been in the classroom. People always say how difficult it is to go back to school once you've left and there is a certain amount of truth to that. She registered for a full schedule because she was determined to get this done as quickly as possible. The rest of her life was waiting for her and she couldn't stand the thought of keeping it at bay so that she could have a leisurely semester. This meant late nights doing homework and studying for exams. This meant very little time for socializing and entertainment. This meant something other than Dan Humphrey could take over her mind for the time being.

Of course, he never left her, not entirely. Just as she'd hoped she got another story in the mail a week after the last one. Then she got another one, and another one. Each built on the last so much so that it was beginning to feel like a children's novel rather than a series of short stories. Each time a new one arrived, she dropped whatever text book she was carrying and immediately engrossed herself in Emily's world. After a time, she began to understand Emily, even sympathize with her. There was something so familiar about the way the girl delighted in her surroundings and cherished even the smallest details. Her eyes were opened time and again to new experiences, some frightening and perilous, others joyful and exciting, while yet some were simply peaceful and fulfilling. Throughout all of her adventures, the woman from the forest watched, sometimes stepping in, other times letting Emily fall and face whatever danger lie before her. But all the while she prodded Emily further along, keeping her going when she wanted to give up, giving her a harsh talking to when her selfish nature reared it's head, even disappearing when it seemed she was most needed, but always there, ever present. Blair's favorite passage so far came from the fifth chapter, which had taken up residence on her night stand. At the end of a long, grueling day, she would pack up her text books, take a hot shower, and collapse into bed with his words in her hands.

...

_There came a day when Emily considered the possibility of ending it all. Her body was bruised and she was fairly certain her tangle with the sea serpent had caused a couple of broken ribs. Her bones were not the only thing damaged. Her spirit had been shattered, possibly beyond repair. She crawled into a crook in the roots of a nearby tree and wept. When the silver haired woman appeared, she shrank back from her, afraid of her reprimand and also her common sense. _

_"WHY DO YOU CRY, CHILD?"_

_"I'm so tired. I don't think I can continue on."_

_"HAS NOT YOUR TIME HERE BEEN MAGICAL? HAS IT BEEN FULL OF LIFE AND ADVENTURE? IS THIS NOT WHAT YOU WANTED?"_

_"It is what I wanted. I just didn't know it was going to be so hard! It shouldn't be this way, it shouldn't feel this way. I feel as if this entire world is plotting against me!"_

_"IT IS."_

_Then the silver haired woman took the girl in her arms and cradled her. The warmth emanating from them was enough to comfort the poor girl and gently cajole her into a deep, healing sleep. _

_"BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT ISN'T AS IT SHOULD BE. TRUE COURAGE CAN ONLY BE FOUND WHEN FACING FEAR."_

_..._

Blair had always appreciated Dan's ability to turn a phrase and this particular excerpt was no exception. She'd been pulling from it on a daily basis, repeating it to herself during the day when her stamina wavered, when she was convinced she couldn't keep up with the twenty year old intellectuals in her classes. True courage can only be found when facing fear. It was a simple thought and she was sure she had heard similar sentiments before, probably many times over, but it had never spoken to her the way that his did. Surely it had a lot to do with the fact that she was under an enormous amount of pressure considering her recent career change. There were days when she doubted herself and her ability to actually do this and do it well. Blair would never settle for mediocrity, it wasn't in her nature. She valued excellence far too much to let herself be anything other than the best. She detailed all of this to Rose in her most recent letter. Although she had never responded, the letters hadn't been returned to her so she knew Rose was getting them. She wrote her at least once a week, sometimes twice, and filled her in on all the goings on of her life. She also provided commentary and a critical eye to Dan's stories.

_Dear Rose, _

_Classes are killing me right now. I love it, I really do, but sometimes I wonder if I'm insane for doing this. _

_I got your package. Though I enjoyed reading it, I wasn't crazy about chapter six. Dan's made Emily lose all confidence and I am far too proud to ever allow that to happen. I know she's only loosely based on me, but I find it strikingly out of character for her to grovel at the silver haired woman's feet for assistance in defeating the sea god. I know it works for the overall narrative, but come on! I would never grovel. Not to anyone. _

_Anyhow, I hope you are feeling better. I would love to come visit sometime, but perhaps it would be better for me to wait until Dan leaves. I don't know. What do you think?_

_Love, Blair_

After weeks and weeks of waiting, Blair finally received a clear, succinct response.

_Blair,_

_I love you hon, but you're an idiot. Emily is not based on you. If you think that, then all of my efforts are wasted because you are not getting what I intended for you to get out of this. How do you not see it? The watchful eye, the guarded responses, the careful bestowing of her affection, and the wise counsel she gives; you are the silver haired woman. You're not the protagonist, but the savior of the story. The redemption. I hope you will go back and read it again with this knowledge and see what Dan sees, what I see in you. Good luck, honey. _

_Rose_

_P.S. Oh, and by the way, Dan left Texas a week ago. _

It took a few minutes for all of it to settle in, but when it did one fact was evident above them all.

Emily was Dan.

**A/N: I developed a recent aversion to lengthy author's notes but I feel this chapter requires one. First of all, thank you to all of the reviewers. You bring such joy to the writing process and I can't thank you enough for your feedback. Many of you like to keep me on my toes and I'm also grateful for that. This story has become more than just an entertaining way to pass the time for me and you've definitely held me accountable and forced me to treat these characters with the utmost respect. I do want to address something from chapter 9 here as it's relevant to chapter 10 and the rest of the story. As I stated previously, this story shifted gears just a tad after the end of the show. I was truly saddened by the show's treatment of Blair's character and since then I've felt an urgent need to give her the ending I feel she deserves. Hence the slight departure. It would have been so easy for me to write 10 chapters and tie it all up with a nice neat little bow and a wedding, but I felt that I would be doing Blair a major disservice. I weighed all of my options and considered it heavily, but ultimately made the decision to let Blair discover that fiercely strong, independent, outspoken, beautiful woman who is capable of anything. I won't say more on the matter as I don't want to give anything away, but I'm confident you'll be pleased with the end result. **

**P.S. I realize there was zero Dan/Blair interaction in this chapter which was necessary, but there will be a lot more in the next one ;) As always, reviews are so very welcome. I look forward to hearing from you! **


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